Have you ever had a bad dream that set you off for the day?
That’s how I felt early on over the weekend. Despite the dream, I ended the day well in mindfulness with a sweet 2021 Netflix movie, Long Story Short (have you seen it?).
The witty romantic comedy movie has good meaning about appreciating your life and those around you, just in case you’re looking for an uplifting movie. 🎬
But back to where I was…
Before I got to the pillow that same night, most of the day I felt irritated.
The ego in my mind was trying to get the better of me and steal my happiness.
You may know, the unhealthy ego wants to take over you and spin lies in your head (and it tries to make you believe in your mind that anyone who believes that is full of nonsense, in case you’re not aware of your ego just yet).
You can look at a behaving ego as a separate channel that you frequent when you need a healthy dose of self-esteem or a boost of productive motivation.
But most of the time you want to stay clear and reject fiery-ignited ego thoughts running in your background, as its destructive power can get you in a hot mess at its worse.
Like it can be a wildcard as it showed up at this year’s live Oscars where anything can happen.
Or it can leave a bad mood when it’s mild (like I had). And it can show up as an Imposter, and make you think (and made me think): “I’m not enough.”
It will lead you and your life for as long as you’re still under its spell.
I share because I think it helps to know.
And it happens if you’re not carefully aware and just letting thoughts run their course. The way a lot of innocently unaware people operate. And that’s how I used to operate.
But now knowing better, I still had this mood that tried to damage my self-esteem and derail me from being productive.
The robbing ego thoughts just kept at it… so I didn’t write for a day at all as I thought it would be disingenuous writing in this feeling “not enough” Imposter-minded state. And even though I’ve contributed to hundreds of articles and publications, some on Apple news feed with millions of monthly views.
…So what did I do instead? I turned the news on and was humbled in empathy by the sad world news happenings going on.
That lasted a few hours and then the ego gremlins came back, and again I was wrestling with a sour mood.
Par for ego’s course, it even tried to block my taking steps to reach for the healthy restoring Ayurvedic lifestyle things I know to do. Like the ones that work to stop the body from further irritation and moods.
Ego keeps you from taking productive action and even wanting to pray. It detests the idea of mindfulness because then it dies.
And it skips over words and activities that would help you. It wants to keep you down.
This sounds severe, but the reality is this is how a lot of people are these days in brain fog and not knowing what to do (if anything).
It’s hard to snap out of moods immediately, even with an evolved mind like I believe I have now. Plus, it was a sunny day outside. 😊
Specifically, I was hit with that lazy thinking-feeling. You know that mood when you don’t want to do something. But you know if you do, you’ll come out better.
So then I took another step. I could only sit on the couch for so long. I broke out of following my ego-driven thoughts into managed thoughts and read a few paragraphs from A New Earth, a self-help ego book.
That book only makes sense to me now. But years ago it didn’t when I was still processing Eckart Tolle’s earlier book: The Power of Now. A great read by the way.
I align those book lessons to Scripture verses like “do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
See, years ago I learned that ego conveniently stands for Edging God Out, but back then hadn’t connected the dots fully.
Those days, seeing out from the lens of ego, I showed up in pride typical of the area I lived in and did not see any regretful situations I was part of or needed to find forgiveness for. Even if they were just hurting me mostly.
Ego talk didn’t resonate with me back then because I was being played by my ego (and most people are with their ego in some way in their lives).
But not today for me. And not this recent time, where I wised up in mindfulness. That came from experience and wisdom even when I didn’t feel it just yet.
Sometimes it can take a day to take effect even when you’re conscious. But, a weekend was longer than I was willing to wait– not wanting to lose a day. 🌈
How To Get Ego Aware In Your Life (From Mindfulness)
Harmful ego shows up invisibly and doesn’t want you to know that your life could be so much better and those around you if the negative filter spin or misperceptions of reality was lifted. It loves being critical and skeptical.
It preys on the weak and vulnerable moments like when you’re too busy, had some kind of trigger, or have a bad dream as I had. The smallest things can set it off.
It’s not a person’s fault. It’s a fault in humans when it has gone bad.
Just remember, ego works its way in at any time, in any thought situation, and in anyone who has a mind.
And I think is the most powerful or dangerous weapon on the planet. That’s billions of us walking around with this running machinery.
Calling it out in the present moment awareness slows the motor. And eventually pulls the plug until it shows up again.
Awareness is the first line of defense.
And it’s in your ability and control to manage.
Finding a simple distraction can be a good way. Taking a walk or shower…
Or meal prepping as a mindfulness break can swing the pendulum back to productive or loving-thought moods. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
And if you believe the next day will be better, it will.
My Next Day…
That’s what happened to me the next day. I wrote in flow. It’s this same flow where the unhealthy ego leaves and creativity emerges. You’ve probably heard of this flow-business or experienced it before in your mindfulness passions or activities…
For me, that’s an hour of writing for what could’ve taken me all day or at least hours.
After the words flow through, it’s pretty much forgotten. That’s part of staying in mindfulness.
And if you’re ever considering writing a book…
That’s also one of the common reasons why it takes so long to publish (…and anyone who has, knows this).
The mind has already moved on to another new topic.
And it took me a year to read over my own work many times agreeing authentically again to the meaning of my flowed through written words, before publishing.
That’s my jam, but if writing isn’t yours, you have other usable, maybe even more fun skills, abilities, and talents. And you can use them productively today living your best for today.
And tomorrow you can question if there is something more important you could be doing in this life. Because in constant mindfulness, and wanting to not waste time, you’re going to live a better life.
Oh, and one final thought on this…
Chef Jose Andres came from being a comfortable foodie restaurant chef and evolved into a humanitarian World Central Kitchen founder.
He’s an example of using a healthy ego for good purposes.
And our healthy ego and pride can do that to motivate us to take the next steps and make good contributions through us in our daily lives.
For all of us, it’s where life leads each of us. And once in a while, reflecting back and being reminded of coincidences and memories to feed the healthy ego. Like I once worked as a marketing manager for a similar Spanish tapas restaurant a few blocks away from Chef Jose’s restaurants (those were the good food days 😋).
And ultimately, it’s not what we do but how we do it and who we become. Life’s a marathon, so don’t worry if you haven’t figured it (or most things) out. Choose to have a healthy mind and believe for good things to work out, and they will.
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