In my life, I first noticed my performance anxiety early on when it came to test-taking time in school.
Since then I figured out that performance anxiety comes from panic, perfectionism, and overthinking. Those all had one thing in common – my mind.
That’s where it all started when I believed I wasn’t prepared enough.
That set my subconscious mind sending unclear messages that left me in an internal nervous frenzy and blowing up into anxiety and panic, which further prevented productive rational conscious thinking (and maybe this has happened to you also).
All through childhood, I grew up achieving ideal perfectionist standards that aren’t so easy to shake off as an adult, even with constant reminders.
But doing it imperfectly and progress over perfection is the better mantra way, that has also changed in schools.
In school terms, that’s being a “C” student and passing, over being an excellent “A” student as the only successful path.
A few years ago, I may have cringed at that thought. But we’ve turned into a more empathetic world that allows us to be brave and follow Nike’s long-running ad advice, just do it.
There are still times when you’re asked in your work to strive for perfection. On those occasions, you’re asked to nail the performance or delivery, and you’re not gonna turn down the ask if it’s your employer.
But if it’s self-imposed, then that’s something to be observant about and look out for.
You can ask yourself why you didn’t hit send or complete the intended task imperfectly. That’s what I do as checks and balance along with believing, love is in detail (the positive side of perfectionism).
In our gray decision-making world and in finding our own individual balance, we can get better at when to turn it on or off for different scenarios.
In a test-taking performance environment, overthinking test questions and re-writing subjective essay answers can hurt a test taker.
Usually, your gut instinct and the first thought are better than second-guessing. If you’re not sure, stick with your first guess.
When you combine these complex dimensions of growing panic, aiming for perfectionism, and overthinking, those elements mixed together are a recipe for performance anxiety and a test-taking disaster (and in my scenarios all I could do was hope for the best and move on).
Performance Anxiety on The Great British Baking Show Competition
Alice – Season 7 Finalist
David – Season 7 Finalist
Steph – Season Finalist
On the topic of combining and mixing, in The Great British Baking Show series, the invited competitors are challenged to create great bakes, that require overcoming performance anxiety on top of great talent and skill.
They’re the nation’s best bakers.
If the contestant can wow the judges week after a week staying in the competition, stay calm, keep emotions in check, and not lose his or her marbles, they move onto the final rounds.
By the final week, nerves can grow for each contestant, as you would expect. The final ones that get in their heads with worry and anxiety are the ones that end up making mistakes and messing up because of their overriding emotions and minds sending mixed messages.
They can have the greatest talent and high skills under low-pressure conditions like baking at home, where they could create perfect masterpiece bakes.
The gifts of imperfection are not found in holding onto perfection. I learned the hard way in and around the area I grew up in…
If the U.S. Capitol were a cake, it would have perfect lines, and these were the standards in the schools and household I grew up in.
If you change your perfection ways, you can discover the gifts of imperfection over perfection. You can achieve bigger and better things.
Perfection can create unwanted side effects like anxiety and self-pity (that you can overcome). If you’re an overachiever, you know how aiming for perfection can create performance anxiety.
Thankfully “progress over perfection” replaces “practice makes perfect” in our delicate world.
Because early on I wasn’t perfect in school. I attended the #1 highest ranking public high schools in America (in the DC suburbs) at the time, and that didn’t help my cause. Let’s say I ended up doing well, but that didn’t seem perfect or good enough at times especially when applying for top colleges.
At home, my dad was a high achiever, a hardworking Harvard architect who graduated at the top of his class, earned an impressive scholarship, and the whole nine yards. He had high ideals in life and I got the passed-on message about those ambitious expectations.
Perfection was a value and I was more like an Eton Mess than perfect.
You can make your own Eton Mess (steps on how to make below) to help you remind you that imperfection still creates a form of edible perfection that tastes great.
I didn’t always know what the expectations were but I knew I fell short, so I bagged the perfect model concept early on. The problem was I had nothing to replace with, like progress over perfection. Or fail forward means you’re trying.
But I kept going and so did you…
If you’ve carried perfectionist ideals along your journey, I know where you’re coming from. It’s not easy to shake off the past… with the good, bad and ugly.
And thing that did help me was knowing that no one on earth. There was only one and he’s no longer on earth.
So I decided that good meant keeping high standards and wanting to make achievements in life (and valuing the gifts of imperfection).
Naturally, you want to do your best but the wheels do fall off sometimes in our fallen world.
And when you become obsessive in the process of an outcome, that can be self-destructive and unhealthy.
Perfectionist behaviors can also negatively rub off on other people or into blame situations.
The ego or Imposter mind can be crafty and find coping ways to urgently nourish your soul and body if you let your mind run and ruin your life. Keeping your mind separate from you and your spirit can help your journey.
Re-defining and embracing imperfection is the healthier way to a happy life.
The Gifts of Imperfection at Work
Remind yourself that being imperfect is better. Maybe, that’s getting things done is better than none.
Remind yourself how you made imperfection work for you in the past. That people embraced your imperfect work.
…If you forgot to do something, as we all do, you’re no longer perfect so that helps you to rule out perfection as always. Our ego loves to use “always” and “never” when it’s usually more like “sometimes”, “often”, or “rarely.”
You may not even have missed out on this activity in any impactful way.
One of the best things you can do to let go is to fail at something and see that: 1) you survived, 2) you’re okay, and 3) something good came out of your scenario… maybe it was that you learned 1 and 2 and can repeat. Usually you can find a positive if you want to that helps your outlook and growth.
You can embrace: Good is good enough. When I embraced this mantra, it helped me to hit “send” and “publish.”
You get more done and are happier taking the stress and pressure off yourself. Because what will be, will be. So many factors are out of controls anyways.
Being imperfect sets you up to keep going, doing, and trying…. and eventually finding your purpose or destiny.
Catching and correcting written spelling and grammar mistakes is good but is different than making sure every word is perfect to your mind’s satisfaction. There’s a fine line between valuing your work and what you do, and obsessing over the quality because of what that would represent if you didn’t perform well in some way.
Your performance isn’t as important as those youu impact. That’s the lesson from the movie Burnt where Actor Bradley Cooper’s Type-A and chef character learns that letting go of his perfection for a calmer teamwork environment brings home the additional Michelin star success.
The supporting kitchen staff actors are empowered to do their jobs without feeling like they’re walking on eggshells in front of their boss.
You may have also learned this lesson as an employee working with others and working towards climbing the organization ladder.
And you may have found that those promoted weren’t necessarily the hardest workers who delivered flawless work. Some weren’t even as qualified as the person who should’ve gotten the promotional job, but they were trusted with their work given to them (as part of the gifts of imperfection).
Most importantly, they worked at building relationships and connections while others focused on producing the best work.
Building good rapport is a skill that’s valued and can be even more difficult than keeping the head down doing work. People want to work with those they know, like, and trust. So letting your guard down some and letting them know a personal side of you can help you win points.
It’s not just in what you say or how you say it. There’s an energy that you give off even when you’re sitting in front of your computer that you may not even know you’re giving off.
Everyone has a part they can play no matter what special personalities they display. Your non-judgment of others and focusing on their positives is what will create a good work environment for you…
Not necessarily being the person who does perfect work. Perfection is an illusion. What you do today, will be obsolete tomorrow or forgotten by most, years from now. Who you showed up as, and your progress contributions will be remembered.
So, what if you’re caught up in the perfectionist trap?
If you find yourself falling for perfectionist obsessive ways, being self-critical or beating yourself up, here are some smart steps to take:
Be perfect.
Whaaat? Yes, be perfect. It’s all in your mind. When you force yourself to NOT do something, you unintentionally end up doing that behavior. Because your subconscious brain doesn’t hear NOT.
It picks up that you are focusing energy towards that area. It’s not always helping you, and your eyeballs can even skip over the words “not,” as part of the process if you’re reading words on a page.
So you’re trying not to be perfect, can backfire. (I’ve deliberately highlighted the word “not” in several ways here to catch your attention).
Instead in self-awareness, catch yourself and realize that you don’t want to do that anymore. Because before you probably didn’t see it when you were acting that way, but now you’re aware.
So give yourself grace to take two steps forward and one step backward in growth.
In the beginning, it can be like an internal dance you’re trying to figure out. But you’ll get it because you’re trying to make it better than the old ways that didn’t work the way you hoped.
Your trying can shift over to your growing out of perfection instead of toward your output.
Imperfection takes less effort, and caring less sometimes is the answer if your mind is running the show.
Eventually the gifts of imperfection outweigh perfection with your desires and efforts.
But, there are exceptions and times when you do want to shine and be as perfect as possible. So you don’t want to lose all your perfection traits if that’s what comes naturally to you.
Like when you have a performance or presentation to give and want to wow the critics. Or you have a test or an interview to ace. The difference here is that these aren’t everyday occurrences and they’re solo acts you want to nail.
Back when I had school team presentations, several times I was disappointed when the group didn’t do the part they agreed to. Letting go of the idea that everyone was as dedicated, I learned later to do every piece of their part and mine, as though it were performed and turned in solely by me…
That was my backup plan.
If the team came through on their parts, then I would rely on them. And when they did, I realized that we had better information as I could chime in with additional insight in their areas and mine because the research was done.
I gave my best and that’s all I could do. And that’s the attitude to embrace for progress over perfection.
Stay Authentic
In make or break situations, stay authentic to your deeper, healthy self desires.
Let go of worries.
Striving for high standards is a better way of living.
Be happy with your imperfect message and letting your caring, human side come out.
You can come back and change your thoughts. You don’t have to nail every point flawlessly the first time. We think we never have a chance to do over.
That’s true only if you think it is. If you came across as serious before, you can come back as light-hearted or funny in a pivot around new audiences.
Be comfortable where you are and your confident energy will shine through. Keep showing up the way you want to be perceived.
You get to be who you want to be as human, not perfect (remembering the gifts of imperfection).
If you think these tips could help someone grow, please share with them.
And here’s how you can make your own Eton Mess dessert that could be a good metaphor to embracing your authentic creativity and imperfection inside you.
fruits (raspberries, blueberries, lychee, cantaloupe shown in photo)
Instructions
Shape meringue to liking on a baking sheet. Bake in oven on a low temperature around 250°F/120°C or less until marshmallowy soft but crisp. You'll be able to see when the edges are starting to toast.
Let the meringue cool and break off on your plate in a mess. Add and pile on fruits you would like to use to create a modern art dessert plate.
“Don’t worry be happy” is not just a song made famous by Bobby McFerrin. Your thoughts can try to make you worry and overthink. You have a better choice that helps you calm worry.
Worry less is something you can transform even if you’re born a worry wart (aka Vata mind). I know because I did. And if I can do it, you can too!
8 ways to get calm (and don’t worry be happy):
1. Don’t focus on what could happen, focus on what is.
When awake, your mind doesn’t naturally silence. When your mind gets ahead of itself or starts to attach a fantastical made up story line to your thoughts, that’s when you have a chance to take a pause, get present or distracted and busy.
How does that old saying go?… “the past has already happened, the future hasn’t occurred, and all we have is now.”
If only we could stay focused on the present moment (not the past or future).
If you’re multi-tasking, you can miss it and let worry settle in. Mindfulness brings your awareness back (and you’re doing just fine if you let go of the past and future uncertainty).
2. Lower your standards to worry less.
We all have an idea as to what life should be and how we should be. Our expectations create a set of worries and disappointments when we face a setback.
There is not a perfect human on this planet. Accept that progress is made through your getting things done.
