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Life Abundance As the Natural Way

Life abundance is not by accident.

Life abundance is like a full plate like this seafood cocktail.

Do you believe in your life abundance? Or do you deep down think you need to work yourself to the bone in misery, possibly sacrificing health and relationships to gain the success you want? 

What if you could be both happy and successful with a daily mind reset, thinking life is abundant?

Life abundance means getting a new tank every day and feeling fulfilled and inspired. 

You look forward to getting up because you have a joyful purpose, belief, and hope. You have what you need and you use what you have. What you want changes, and you see that superficial is fleeting. Gaining that wise knowledge is reason to celebrate.

…Or maybe you just need a reminder. We all need reminders.

You can deepen meaning in each day, with your curiosity like the wonder of nature. You’re not disappointed with unmet expectations because you’re grateful for the unique life you have and that lets you accomplish more meaningful things.

If you watch outdoor nature in motion, you can see the abundance of birds. Every animal above and below ground has a role in the desert, forest, waters, and in your front or backyard.

David Attenborough’s Our Planet series shows you glimpses of this in wildlife survival and procreation.

On land, the desert trees are a sign that there’s water below to a thirsty elephant, and vultures above indicate food to land carnivores.

The abundant smaller fish feed the larger fish. Dolphins drive the smaller fish schools to feed the killer whales. Every animal has an enemy and an ally in its deep ocean ecosystem.

And the monkeys and the tigers and all the rest teach their young to hunt, defend, and start their own families. It’s fascinating to watch nature in action!

Like the remade 2019 movie Lion King, there’s a circle of life for every ecosystem. There’s survival and then there’s life abundance.

“Earth laughs in flowers.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never-ending procreation is a sign of the earth’s abundance. In human life, the earthly evidence is in the over 360,000 human births per day!

To keep surviving 365 days a year, the earth has abundant, renewable resources. At the top of the food chain, we humans decide how we use and take care of those resources to survive and thrive.

As individuals, we have a deep well of rich resources built within us if we look from the right perspectives. The wisdom others have learned is infinitely available with helpful tools and media resource guides such as self-help books or King Solomon’s wise written words.

He wrote the 31 Proverbs that perfectly fit in every day of the month.

When we’re younger we think this life is all about us. We can let our pride run our world much like the male lions until they are kicked out of the lion’s pride and left to defend and hunt for themselves.

In vulnerable humility, they’re missing the confidence.

They learn and mature and then can join back into the pride. A lion’s goal is met when they help others in their pride (group).

We’re similarly meant to help others. We also can be missing self-confidence and learn to give ourselves what we lack.

If we live privileged with pride, we can take abundance for granted. It’s a delicate balance.

With whatever life we were given that we didn’t have control over, we have a choice to make the most from where we are. We can seek the truths down to our authentic core.

When we give, we get. When we’re kind and compassionate, the Universe returns us gifts 10-fold. We weren’t perfect but we tried with a pure heart.

When we rise above our egos and the layer of ourselves where we’re missing wholeness and love (holding onto fear and insecurity), then we get to the heart of what this life is about.

We allow ourselves to align with the Universe to use our talents abundantly.

In between and in our learning stages we can power struggle with ourselves. What are our deep-rooted motivations telling us?

When we’re not ready, we could squander the opportunity. We could get in our way and feel like an Imposter.

If we stay in our pain, regrets, and comfort zones, then we can self-sabotage. If instead we take our trials and setbacks to help others, then we bypass the drama in our minds and can be very productive.

I didn’t discover I had a gift of writing to empower others until I was ready. I couldn’t in my 20s because I was still maturing and hurting.

And I couldn’t in my 30s because I was still in a power struggle and a victim mentality. I hadn’t grown up yet and seen the better way on the other side of self-defeat.

Through experience and life’s up and down circumstances, I discovered the more productive way. I wanted to release what was holding me back.

The sooner we get to our productive places, we can start reaping the abundant harvest. Maybe you’re in that place.

If so, be encouraged you can start later and still blossom quickly. The point is to bloom as soon as you know and to look for ways to connects the dots in life (to bloom).

If you live life going the traditional route to your culture, you could miss out on so much more that you could have had. What looks foolish to one person is knowledge to another person.

I would never go back to living on an emotional roller coaster ride and chasing after the wrong things. The worldwide pandemic was a way to show us what’s of the highest importance to us.

When I was 20, I was in college, and I thought I was invincible so no invisible force could have intruded and that could have been tragic thinking. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and you probably don’t know what you don’t know.

That’s why I pass on this message that your life can be so much more than the fun things you do and the nice things you get. We all want things, but we don’t always know what we really want that’ll make us happy as we didn’t create this life.

Life’s a secret in many ways because it’s not stagnant. You don’t see everything you need in one snapshot, with the naked eye or the original young lens that you were given.

You may not even see the hidden gems with a better prescription from years ago. You see it with new eyes and a fresh mind where life abundance is.

Life Abundance Signs You Could Look Out For:

Clues come from action. When you can reflect, see if what you’re doing checks any of these items…

It’s easy for you. There’s no double-minded confusion. You completed a specific task effortlessly.

It’s fruitful and growing. Your specific action produces and sometimes passively, without your time and energy.

You don’t feel like you’re missing out or that the ‘grass is greener’ on the other side. There’s nothing you’d rather be doing.

You feel grateful.  You feel contentment and humility at your core for the situation you’ve been given.

You’re making an impact. Others are noticing your work or service, or you’re getting positive feedback.

You’re too busy looking ahead to look behind you. You’re on a mission and there’s nothing that can stop you. You sense what you’re doing is sustainable or will lead to the next growth stage.

You want to give in your overflow. You have more than what you need so you are generous in time, money, or efforts.

Your health is good and you look healthy. When you have a purpose that you get up for, your mind is happy and your skin radiates in the mind-body connection.

You let go and slow down on worry. Because you know you’re aligned with what you’re doing otherwise another opportunity would show up. 

We all have harder days, but the point is to keep growing and stop to smell the roses.

The point is not to be sooo busy, counting what you did, and rushing through. That’s why I don’t have any numbering to the list above. I could stay open and keep adding ideas in our never-ending life abundance.

For today, keep doing what you’re doing until the next door opens and a worthwhile idea unfolds for you to take action on.

And gain more happiness.

Turn Past Abandonment Into Healing Growth

Abandonment is not an area that should hinder you or your growth. Your past is not your future.

Shining light through the ordinary things in life helps create awareness and beauty. Awareness can heal past wounds, and trauma from abandonment feelings.

Our brains keep memories and our bodies keep score.

Your past is your past, but your mind processes random entering thoughts inefficiently, without using an organized filing system (where yesterday’s past can be mixed into today’s thoughts like spaghetti strands in today’s meal).

I know from my past that past abandonment thoughts that hadn’t yet healed can quickly muddy your current thoughts and actions.

Resurfacing pain-filled memories can do damage.

Abandonment Is a Spectrum

Abandonment can be one of those fuzzy and invisibly damaging memories that you may not know you have or are holding onto if you your family stayed intact.

That’s my recollection.

On one end of the spectrum, if you grew up in a foster system or were physically abandoned by a parent, that would no question hurt who you were growing up and you possibly still carry hurt in who you are now.

On the other end, if you had small injuries you couldn’t put a label on with one defining incident, that can actually hurt you more because in the invisible (unconscious) you don’t know you need healing.

And if you have unattended wounds, one day, you can get triggered and start snapping at your partner or a close person, subconsciously displacing your emotions, and blaming the wrong person for leaving you or ignoring your wants.

If you’re aware, you realize that how you behaved has nothing to do with them, but all about you and your past!

Psychotherapist, Susan Anderson wrote in a Huffington Post article, that you could have any of these damaging 40 post-trauma effects that include lingering insecurity, anxiety, and shame.

That was my part of my shadow work discovery in a nutshell.

In my childhood, I was invisible.

I felt like a shadow in daily life and on family vacations when I was still in grade school.

That was my an identity memory I held on to until my 20s. And the wound left was feeling unworthy and low self-esteem…

Since then, my scars have been completely healed as I made a point to bring light to the invisible wounds years ago. And as time passed, I knew that what I went through was not a mishap.

Life planned for me to grow up where I did with the parents I had was to help make me a better and whole person that I am today.

To be fully healed and forgiving, helped me to look skin deep and find my second act in this one and only life we have.

That’s the transformational shift that made me take a real-hard second look because I had been carrying clouded insecurities with me in my life, work, and relationships.

Getting to the Root of It All (The Ego)

For as much as I can remember my parents didn’t know how to express love, or give hugs or kisses.

From what I know they didn’t have parents that give them that either.  

That was their upbringing in another culture, and growing up in those post-World War 2 times where vulnerability wasn’t a strength (and could be seen as a scandal).

So, my growing up daily around American friends as a first-generation American, I leaned into and went out of my way at time to be touchy-feely with my friends.

Having affectionate expression is especially important when your primary love language is touch (that mine is).

Words are important. Hearing “I love you” comforts the loving part of our mind and affects our deep rooted insecurities.

Love can quiet our primitive ego minds that in any weak moment can deceive and slip us into unhealthy ego fearful thoughts.

If we easily get seduced into a negative spiral, shame trap or think we’re not enough (let alone good enough), we can blame others (or ourselves especially if we’re sensitive).

This is unless in self-awareness, we stop the fearful mind dead in its tracks from the momentary soothing drama trap that we’ve fallen into.

I know I did that for years, I allowed my brain to go where it wanted thinking those were my thoughts. Ha! …but, when you know better, you do better (said the wise poet Maya Angelou).

If the cunning-tricking part of ego in your mind is something you aren’t yet aware about, figuring that out can be a Life Changer for you and save you years of wasting time in negative, unproductive thoughts.

…And when I learned how to transform my mind where the thoughts began, I could be fully empathetic and change any negative script.

In self-therapy with a few good self-help books along the way, I can see my good-intentioned parents. If they knew better, they would have done better.

They are immigrants like so many in America are today. And just by that one-word description, you can guess they had struggles like most of us have, whether we admit to ourselves or not.

So to me, my parents deserve a nice kudos for trying in this one life where we don’t have a manual handed to us.

They could have just stayed behind and never dared to hope and dream.

Instead, they persisted and started a new life in a new land.

They grew up during hardships and heard the sound of bombings living on a Pacific island where they didn’t go to school for several years, sharing some similarities to the pandemic world we’ve experienced in 2020.

They lived in fear during their most formative years when childhood thoughts have a way of settling in deep and for the long haul.

There were 8 in my father’s family where individual wants weren’t met, as their basic needs were only met with limited resources.

They didn’t grow up having preferences and they experienced times when they only had a small meal each day.

After they immigrated decades later, they had to figure out the American culture when they were almost mid-life adults, landing during the chaotic 60’s and Kennedy assasination (a crisis in itself), and the Beatles era where social reform was a norm similar to today.

Learning to drive a car for the first time in a foreign land, and trying to provide for a family of four during a 70’s oil crisis and recession when I entered the picture, must’ve been hard.

From that empathetic lens, I understand why there are only two baby photos of me (and probably contributing to why I love photos today).

They traded one struggle for another. In life’s difficulties, they sought to find normalcy, provide a roof  over their heads plus for my sister and I, put food on the table, and raised a family.

All these points I just mentioned, a high ego mind hates to hear as that releases blame.

But if everyone could let go of blame and offer forgiveness for the areas in their life they’re most emotional, heated, and passionate about, we’d have a more peaceful world.

From Abandonment (Victim Mentality) to Learning Abundance

My parents’ mindsets were filled with not having enough..

I sensed their feeling of lack growing up, so I never asked for much and I knew I had to forge my own paths and resources. 

I couldn’t live from their paradigms and limiting beliefs and I had to create my own.

And I thought I was on my right path, until I was blindsided that I held an invisible victim mentality.

But that was the cold, hard fact that came crashing down on me when a mirror was shown to my face. I had mixed messages in my mind of my past and current life reality. In my mind, the clouds were in the gray mess.

The Cloudiness In Not Having Defined Labels 

On the outside, I was aware I was strong-minded and confident, and on the inside, but I needed past parts to heal that hadn’t been addressed.

I needed clarity out of the clouds.

When unexplainable anger and anxiety emotions bubbled up from nowhere other than a small trigger, I learned how to cope. That’s what we all by default do in our own way if we don’t know better.

I thought that was just the way I was. 

As an adult I recalled memories to help me see my wounds. I needed the wounds to scar. A vivid memory I recalled was when we took a family vacation to Disney World.

I remember I was unhappy at the Happiest Place on Earth because we spent all our time at Epcot Center (learning different cultures). Today of course that would be exciting to me.

But in my young mind back then, by the end of day because of my passive whining moves of staying extremely quietness (I never whined, I was invisible!) we ended up at Magic Kingdom.

I was hoping my parents would notice something was wrong with me. My dream came true.

But back then I felt guilty for taking up time and space (my invisible identity kicked in), so I didn’t have ideas for what we would do in the Magical Kingdom. Part of my immature child’s mind was still in shock that we were actually there.

I wished we could have had a more fun family day, but looking back now, I’m grateful we spent time at Epcot and that’s where I’d be today amongst adults if I was at the park.

And maybe that was formed from the memories I had.

But in healthy awareness today, it makes total sense for a child who felt abandoned to have reacted the way I did, especially after I learned decades later there was such a thing as a PTSD of abandonment label.

I don’t like labels as I think they grow the problem, but that’s a good description.

Learning this label exists brought the trauma to light and also reinforces there are others out there who have experienced similar trauma.

Had I known thiat in my 20s, that would’ve saved me years of grief.

Today I’m grateful of the discovering journey I went on to be where I am today.

I’m also convinced you can speed your discovery process up in your life today if you want to.

What Awareness Can Do To Help You

When I became aware, I learned how to speak up more and take up more space.

And I’m grateful I have my vacation memory that helped shape my gradual abundant mindset transformation, that btw, you can change inside you no matter your situations.

I also healed my abandonment childhood wounds instead of allowing my mind to rationalize a past memory as a silly thought I had decades ago. I took it seriously.

By doing this, I ended future material that the ego could have had a field day with (and over and over again!).

It’s best to get it all out in the open to yourself as a real story you lived through, so you can get mind-healthy, and be in control of your destiny.

…Otherwise you can go on living invisibly damaged.

Your invisible abandonment and other childhood traumas can be something you heal yourself from, so your wounds become scars that you grow and learn from, and you become better than when you started. That’s how I feel.

If you have feelings of abandonment, here are a few productive actions you can take today from  my lessons learned:

4 Abandonment and Healing Exercises and Freeing Questions to Ask Yourself

1.Witness negative thoughts that arise that turn into negative emotions. Use those moments to ask yourself, “why am I feeling this way?”

Because in most situations others wouldn’t react that way. This can center you to be your own healer instead of wrapped in the drama of your minds’ thoughts.

Question and wonder if your today position in your situations posing conflict comes from the needs and wants you didn’t receive from your past. Likely that’s the case.

2.Remind yourself to distant your Younger Self mind and thoughts from your forming better ones (that turn into attitudes and habits).

You can discover more about how your past is influencing today by doing shadow work.

If you find yourself behaving, mimicking, or sounding like a child reminiscent of when you were younger, then that’s a sign that healing is needed somewhere along the line.

Because having fun doesn’t mean acting like your younger (immature) self when you were younger.

That’s a reflection that there’s a missing piece to grow into who you want to be and become.

Consider if you were playing with a child, you’d play with the child in a way that entertains them, but you wouldn’t mimic to them how you sounded when you were 4 years old, but could change your voice to a Muppet or cartoon character for entertainment value.

In this mature way of an adult acting playful (child-like but not childish), you’re drawing from a present place of creative acting, and not from your 4-year old mind.

Today is a new day, but you have to tell your mind that constantly so it becomes automatic. Also, keep questioning why you act or react the way you do.

The old brain files never get completely deleted but they can show up with new insight and then get re-archived, so the effect they have is more historical fact than attached emotional turmoil.

Think of when you tell your sad story the first time, you may have trouble forming words over tears or anger, but then if you were to give a Ted Talk, by practicing over and over again, the story becomes less traumatic if you keep re-telling your mind-body-soul the story in different, impactful ways (getting rid of every last bit of pain and resentment).

Life is better, and the old you and life are gone, so keep reminding you old brain and self that you’re safe.

And that abandonment was in the past, even if your pain happened last year from a loved one. You’re great and free now.

You’re a new person today and remind yourself how far you’ve come with change and transformation you made.

Keep committing to growth and change.

3.Observe and be aware when you react a certain way that creates discord in you or with others. Is how you’re behaving, rational or fearful baggage you’re carrying?

Because with others, you get a mirror reflecting back to you.

Asking non-judgmental questions to yourself and to them is a better way.

Compare how you would ask someone you didn’t know the same question (in a more guarded manner) and to your familiar tribe where you are more vulnerable, intimate, and the veil is removed.

4.Focus on each person’s positives. We can be expecting more from loved ones, and then focusing on differences instead of the initial similarities.

In long-term relationships, you adopt the others’ views as your own and what you both think, but that’s not the case at the beginning where the power struggle can be debating who is right or wrong and where emotional hurts are announced.

The reason cuts are deep is because you care. And sometimes to be empathetic, you have to let go and not care so much, so that there’s a chance for growth.

That’s how you can grow and heal from childhood wounds.

What if in my story I chose to look at my life as a gift, and that it wasn’t up to my parents to meet my wants and that they gave more of themselves in this world by having me, their second child.

From that perspective, I would release abandonment and blame.

What if you could do that for all aspects in your life that you are and aren’t aware about, wouldn’t that be great?

Final Thoughts

And lastly… if you still struggle to figure out why you’re anxious or have frequent outbursts for no reason that you can’t pinpoint why, most likely they come from your way back past and are tucked away in your old brain and need healing.

You could ask yourself: did you ever feel abandonment?

That could be the start of your healing along with purposeful shadow work.

Overcome Performance Anxiety: Examples in “The Great British Baking Show”

performance anxiety

In my life, I first noticed my performance anxiety early on when it came to test-taking time in school.

Since then I figured out that performance anxiety comes from panic, perfectionism, and overthinking. Those all had one thing in common – my mind.

That’s where it all started when I believed I wasn’t prepared enough.

That set my subconscious mind sending unclear messages that left me in an internal nervous frenzy and blowing up into anxiety and panic, which further prevented productive rational conscious thinking (and maybe this has happened to you also).

All through childhood, I grew up achieving ideal perfectionist standards that aren’t so easy to shake off as an adult, even with constant reminders.

But doing it imperfectly and progress over perfection is the better mantra way, that has also changed in schools.

In school terms, that’s being a “C” student and passing, over being an excellent “A” student as the only successful path.

A few years ago, I may have cringed at that thought. But we’ve turned into a more empathetic world that allows us to be brave and follow Nike’s long-running ad advice, just do it.

There are still times when you’re asked in your work to strive for perfection. On those occasions, you’re asked to nail the performance or delivery, and you’re not gonna turn down the ask if it’s your employer.

But if it’s self-imposed, then that’s something to be observant about and look out for.

You can ask yourself why you didn’t hit send or complete the intended task imperfectly. That’s what I do as checks and balance along with believing, love is in detail (the positive side of perfectionism).

In our gray decision-making world and in finding our own individual balance, we can get better at when to turn it on or off for different scenarios.

In a test-taking performance environment, overthinking test questions and re-writing subjective essay answers can hurt a test taker.

Usually, your gut instinct and the first thought are better than second-guessing. If you’re not sure, stick with your first guess.

When you combine these complex dimensions of growing panic, aiming for perfectionism, and overthinking, those elements mixed together are a recipe for performance anxiety and a test-taking disaster (and in my scenarios all I could do was hope for the best and move on).

Performance Anxiety on The Great British Baking Show Competition

On the topic of combining and mixing, in The Great British Baking Show series, the invited competitors are challenged to create great bakes, that require overcoming performance anxiety on top of great talent and skill.

They’re the nation’s best bakers.

If the contestant can wow the judges week after a week staying in the competition, stay calm, keep emotions in check, and not lose his or her marbles, they move onto the final rounds.

By the final week, nerves can grow for each contestant, as you would expect. The final ones that get in their heads with worry and anxiety are the ones that end up making mistakes and messing up because of their overriding emotions and minds sending mixed messages.

They can have the greatest talent and high skills under low-pressure conditions like baking at home, where they could create perfect masterpiece bakes.

But when put in a stressful lab environment and varying conditions, those most affected in performance are often Vatas. The natural Pittas and Kaphas are generally better built for stamina and competition settings. Continue reading “Overcome Performance Anxiety: Examples in “The Great British Baking Show””

The Gifts of Imperfection (Over Perfection) Help You

The gifts of imperfection are not found in holding onto perfection. I learned the hard way in and around the area I grew up in…

If the U.S. Capitol were a cake, it would have perfect lines, and these were the standards in the schools and household I grew up in.

If you change your perfection ways, you can discover the gifts of imperfection over perfection. You can achieve bigger and better things.

Perfection can create unwanted side effects like anxiety and self-pity (that you can overcome). If you’re an overachiever, you know how aiming for perfection can create performance anxiety.

Thankfully “progress over perfection” replaces “practice makes perfect” in our delicate world.

Because early on I wasn’t perfect in school. I attended the #1 highest ranking public high schools in America (in the DC suburbs) at the time, and that didn’t help my cause. Let’s say I ended up doing well, but that didn’t seem perfect or good enough at times especially when applying for top colleges.

At home, my dad was a high achiever, a hardworking Harvard architect who graduated at the top of his class, earned an impressive scholarship, and the whole nine yards. He had high ideals in life and I got the passed-on message about those ambitious expectations.

Perfection was a value and I was more like an Eton Mess than perfect.

Gifts of imperfection can be made into food dessert form like an Eton Mess dessert that ends up tasting great but not looking perfect.
You can make your own Eton Mess (steps on how to make below) to help you remind you that imperfection still creates a form of edible perfection that tastes great.

I didn’t always know what the expectations were but I knew I fell short, so I bagged the perfect model concept early on. The problem was I had nothing to replace with, like progress over perfection. Or fail forward means you’re trying.

But I kept going and so did you…

If you’ve carried perfectionist ideals along your journey, I know where you’re coming from.  It’s not easy to shake off the past… with the good, bad and ugly.

And thing that did help me was knowing that no one on earth. There was only one and he’s no longer on earth.

So I decided that good meant keeping high standards and wanting to make achievements in life (and valuing the gifts of imperfection).

Naturally, you want to do your best but the wheels do fall off sometimes in our fallen world.

And when you become obsessive in the process of an outcome, that can be self-destructive and unhealthy.

Perfectionist behaviors can also negatively rub off on other people or into blame situations.

The ego or Imposter mind can be crafty and find coping ways to urgently nourish your soul and body if you let your mind run and ruin your life. Keeping your mind separate from you and your spirit can help your journey.

Re-defining and embracing imperfection is the healthier way to a happy life.

The Gifts of Imperfection at Work

Remind yourself that being imperfect is better. Maybe, that’s getting things done is better than none.

Remind yourself how you made imperfection work for you in the past. That people embraced your imperfect work.

…If you forgot to do something, as we all do, you’re no longer perfect so that helps you to rule out perfection as always. Our ego loves to use “always” and “never” when it’s usually more like “sometimes”, “often”, or “rarely.”

You may not even have missed out on this activity in any impactful way.

One of the best things you can do to let go is to fail at something and see that: 1) you survived, 2) you’re okay, and 3) something good came out of your scenario… maybe it was that you learned 1 and 2 and can repeat. Usually you can find a positive if you want to that helps your outlook and growth.

You can embrace: Good is good enough. When I embraced this mantra, it helped me to hit “send” and “publish.”

You get more done and are happier taking the stress and pressure off yourself. Because what will be, will be. So many factors are out of controls anyways.

Being imperfect sets you up to keep going, doing, and trying…. and eventually finding your purpose or destiny.

Catching and correcting written spelling and grammar mistakes is good but is different than making sure every word is perfect to your mind’s satisfaction.  There’s a fine line between valuing your work and what you do, and obsessing over the quality because of what that would represent if you didn’t perform well in some way.

Your performance isn’t as important as those youu impact.  That’s the lesson from the movie Burnt where Actor Bradley Cooper’s Type-A and chef character learns that letting go of his perfection for a calmer teamwork environment brings home the additional Michelin star success.

The supporting kitchen staff actors are empowered to do their jobs without feeling like they’re walking on eggshells in front of their boss.

You may have also learned this lesson as an employee working with others and working towards climbing the organization ladder.

And you may have found that those promoted weren’t necessarily the hardest workers who delivered flawless work.  Some weren’t even as qualified as the person who should’ve gotten the promotional job, but they were trusted with their work given to them (as part of the gifts of imperfection).

Most importantly, they worked at building relationships and connections while others focused on producing the best work.

Building good rapport is a skill that’s valued and can be even more difficult than keeping the head down doing work. People want to work with those they know, like, and trust. So letting your guard down some and letting them know a personal side of you can help you win points.

It’s not just in what you say or how you say it. There’s an energy that you give off even when you’re sitting in front of your computer that you may not even know you’re giving off.

Everyone has a part they can play no matter what special personalities they display. Your non-judgment of others and focusing on their positives is what will create a good work environment for you…

Not necessarily being the person who does perfect work.  Perfection is an illusion.  What you do today, will be obsolete tomorrow or forgotten by most, years from now. Who you showed up as, and your progress contributions will be remembered.

So, what if you’re caught up in the perfectionist trap?

If you find yourself falling for perfectionist obsessive ways, being self-critical or beating yourself up, here are some smart steps to take:

 Be perfect.

Whaaat?  Yes, be perfect. It’s all in your mind. When you force yourself to NOT do something, you unintentionally end up doing that behavior.  Because your subconscious brain doesn’t hear NOT.

It picks up that you are focusing energy towards that area.  It’s not always helping you, and your eyeballs can even skip over the words “not,” as part of the process if you’re reading words on a page.

So you’re trying not to be perfect, can backfire. (I’ve deliberately highlighted the word “not” in several ways here to catch your attention).

Instead in self-awareness, catch yourself and realize that you don’t want to do that anymore. Because before you probably didn’t see it when you were acting that way, but now you’re aware.

So give yourself grace to take two steps forward and one step backward in growth.

In the beginning, it can be like an internal dance you’re trying to figure out. But you’ll get it because you’re trying to make it better than the old ways that didn’t work the way you hoped.

Your trying can shift over to your growing out of perfection instead of toward your output.

Imperfection takes less effort, and caring less sometimes is the answer if your mind is running the show.

Eventually the gifts of imperfection outweigh perfection with your desires and efforts.

But, there are exceptions and times when you do want to shine and be as perfect as possible. So you don’t want to lose all your perfection traits if that’s what comes naturally to you.

Like when you have a performance or presentation to give and want to wow the critics. Or you have a test or an interview to ace.  The difference here is that these aren’t everyday occurrences and they’re solo acts you want to nail.

Back when I had school team presentations, several times I was disappointed when the group didn’t do the part they agreed to.  Letting go of the idea that everyone was as dedicated, I learned later to do every piece of their part and mine, as though it were performed and turned in solely by me…

That was my backup plan.

If the team came through on their parts, then I would rely on them. And when they did, I realized that we had better information as I could chime in with additional insight in their areas and mine because the research was done.

I gave my best and that’s all I could do. And that’s the attitude to embrace for progress over perfection.

Stay Authentic

In make or break situations, stay authentic to your deeper, healthy self desires.

Let go of worries.

Striving for high standards is a better way of living.

Be happy with your imperfect message and letting your caring, human side come out.

You can come back and change your thoughts. You don’t have to nail every point flawlessly the first time.  We think we never have a chance to do over.

That’s true only if you think it is. If you came across as serious before, you can come back as light-hearted or funny in a pivot around new audiences.

Be comfortable where you are and your confident energy will shine through. Keep showing up the way you want to be perceived.

You get to be who you want to be as human, not perfect (remembering the gifts of imperfection).

If you think these tips could help someone grow, please share with them.

And here’s how you can make your own Eton Mess dessert that could be a good metaphor to embracing your authentic creativity and imperfection inside you.

Print

Eton Mess Dessert

Course Dessert
Cuisine American, british
Author Brandy @ Healthy Happy Life Secrets

Ingredients

  • egg whites for meringue
  • fruits (raspberries, blueberries, lychee, cantaloupe shown in photo)

Instructions

  • Shape meringue to liking on a baking sheet. Bake in oven on a low temperature around 250°F/120°C or less until marshmallowy soft but crisp. You'll be able to see when the edges are starting to toast.
  • Let the meringue cool and break off on your plate in a mess. Add and pile on fruits you would like to use to create a modern art dessert plate.

 

 

 

 

Don’t Worry Be Happy and 8 Ways to Worry Less

“Don’t worry be happy” is not just a song made famous by Bobby McFerrin.  Your thoughts can try to make you worry and overthink.  You have a better choice that helps you calm worry.

Worry less is something you can transform even if you’re born a worry wart (aka Vata mind). I know because I did. And if I can do it, you can too!

Don't worry and be happy and calm. That's how I felt traveling and exploring new countries.

8 ways to get calm (and don’t worry be happy):

 1. Don’t focus on what could happen, focus on what is.

When awake, your mind doesn’t naturally silence. When your mind gets ahead of itself or starts to attach a fantastical made up story line to your thoughts, that’s when you have a chance to take a pause, get present or distracted and busy.

How does that old saying go?… “the past has already happened, the future hasn’t occurred, and all we have is now.”

If only we could stay focused on the present moment (not the past or future).

If you’re multi-tasking, you can miss it and let worry settle in.  Mindfulness brings your awareness back (and you’re doing just fine if you let go of the past and future uncertainty).

2. Lower your standards to worry less.

We all have an idea as to what life should be and how we should be.  Our expectations create a set of worries and disappointments when we face a setback.

There is not a perfect human on this planet.  Accept that progress is made through your getting things done.

Who’s measuring perfection anyway?  No one except the critic inside you, or a parent or school teacher’s voice that no longer serves you (or runs your life). Continue reading “Don’t Worry Be Happy and 8 Ways to Worry Less”