Today is the first day of spring and the a hashtag event calendar day for #InternationalDayofHappiness.
It’s also coincidentally the weekend of my happiness book release. And I have a spring roll (swiss cake roll recipe to share below 🍥) to celebrate the occasion.
Up to now, most of us have learned to be more patient with the world, and uniquely in our individual lives. For better health and to enjoy your day, it’s better to celebrate what you have. Time today is a gift.
In the wait, focus on the positive things. You are a day closer to your destiny and joy if you decide to focus on love, beauty, and growth that you can find evidence all around in spring and nature.
In my muse and self-reflection today, I’m tickled (and a bit relieved) that my happiness book, Empowered Happiness, that I started editing last summer is completed and available now. I had intended for the book to be published last year.
I started writing in 2019, but for all kinds of start and stop reasons, I didn’t make the deadline. …and now I understand why it takes most authors more than a year to publish a book that has nothing to do with procrastination or writer’s block 😊
You know how things always take longer than you expect… my happiness book project was no different.
On the other side now, I see how slow cooking a book takes patience but produces a better, heart-filled, and soulful meal (end-product) than microwaving can ever produce. (…and as a writer, we prefer “simmering” over “nuking” and also the rhyming words associated).
When asked yesterday in a phone interview why I wrote the happiness book, I was stunned by what came out of my calm thoughts, mind, and mouth.
Like you, if you choose, I’m here to impact others’ lives with the gifts and opportunities I’ve been given. With the book, I aspire to impact readers in their own lives, no matter what stage they’re in as I know others have gone through similar experiences as I have. The mentors that I’ve turned to, time and time again, have been self-help books. And this is my way of giving it back as a writer and mentor advocate.
Everything else is gravy.
We all need each other for validation and can learn from one another about authentic living in this beautifully organized, delicate, and sometimes complicated Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs place we share called Life on Earth.
With what you can do, you just never know how you can positively impact someone else with similar or different backgrounds.
While piecing together my happiness book, I decided to include a childhood story about an older neighborhood kid who put on an Easter egg hunt. What suddenly happened that day, impacted my life and helped put a memorable smile on my face, like colorful confetti or rainbow sprinkles can.
You never know what an ordinary day can bring. Maybe I’ll get a chance to put on a surprising egg hunt someday and you’ll get a chance to plan or suddenly impact your local community in a way you never imagined.
Make it a great first day of spring… and if you think about it, reach out to someone you haven’t talked to for months. They may just be waiting for your text, call, or a nudge of encouragement that only you can give ♥
Healthy mindful snacking can be a game changer especially if you combine with mindful eating and healthy eating habits. Learn from my snacking display ideas and tips deployed in a decade of party planning including weddings and other special occasion events that ended up as thousands of clients (…oh my, where does the time go?)
If you didn’t grow up with a healthy mindful snacking habit, this idea may seem initially odd to you, your mind, and body (mind-body). And why I don’t question others who don’t snack between meals!
You’re better off paying attention to your hunger cues, fullness cues, and changes in your body than focusing on emotional cues especially if weight gain is a struggle.
I know how food can be comforting and carrots aren’t stress calming foods.
But if you do regularly snack or are open to the idea, you may find that snacking time is a nice mindfully healthy break to reset, start a new project and give your body some needed energy.
That’s why I take a 5-minute mindful snack break at least 2-3 times a day. Maybe this is a new approach for you.
And if so, it could be what you need to add to your day to reset your emotions, thoughts, and moods (while keeping your body in your comfortable tip-top happy shape).
It’s more effective than saying no that rarely works when the kitchen is open (and you’re not fasting if that’s something you do).
I also find that snacking helps me to maintain a consistent dress size that I’m comfortable in. This is what most of us want.
There are many added factors as to why this will work better for some people and not as well for others, including the beliefs you have behind this truth.
You’re the eating expert for your body. And you’re the only one who knows your body better than anyone when it comes to how it looks and your preferences.
Busting The Myth That Eating More Healthy Mindful Snacking Will Automatically Make You Gain Weight
I like to use the analogy of your brain. One of your brain’s primal concerns is to keep you alive. Your thoughts alert you and your body of potential dangers through fear and anxiety.
Your body has similar concerns and is sending signals like hunger pains to protect you from starvation.
If you feed your body often, then you’re teaching your body that there’s no need to go into food conservation red alert mode. If instead you feed your body say one meal a day, then that’s a trigger to your body to store fat more easily, as fat energy would keep you alive longer.
Your body pays attention to what is happening first. While your mind is on its frequency and tied together with the body through the gut. The mind-body communication is delayed like an audio lag so that’s why it’s better to slow down and chew.
How else does healthy mindful snacking regularly benefit you?
Besides body efficiency, time efficiency is another reason snacking can help…
If you get hungry or are in low-energy unproductive moods, opening the fridge door can help you get over your temporary lull faster than if you mull around without changing your situation.
As a mindful action, you can snap out of a funk when you look in the fridge as a visual cue for your mind-body to kick into gear.
The trick is to have healthy snacks and food choices so you can be snacking mindfully and healthy.
You can pull these snacks out earlier in the day so you’re prepared and not triggered during the day to find something not as healthy.
When you look at snacking from the mindful planning perspective, the 5 minutes of snack-prep time is nothing. Compare that to getting in and out of the grocery store which can take at least 4 times the amount of loss efficiency time, plus the travel time it takes.
If you’re one of the people who check out of the “under 15 items” grocery line with just 2-3 items, think how much time you’d save if you changed your regular shopping habits to include pantry and fresh item perimeter shopping.
Still on the fence?
Besides efficiency and uplifting-mood changing reasons, there are physical health benefits today to add as we have healthier snacks and food trends available to us and on our side.
When you prepare and eat small, bite size healthy snacks regularly (like a bird does pecking at crumbs) and in between meals throughout the day, your body can re-fuel energy to keep going.
You can replace the need to afternoon power nap or have an espresso with a 5-minute mind-body benefitting snack.
If you snack on hard boiled eggs or popcorn with nutritional yeast for a cheesy flavor, you can feel some energy boost from the B-vitamins.
Healthy Mindful Snacking Ideas:
Healthy mindful snacking is at the core of intuitive eating where you only eat when you’re hungry. Or you have a bite versus a whole big restaurant portion.
Like this cheese and fruit bigger-than-eyes display that was at one of my Mediterranean cuisine restaurant parties.
The white cubes that look like tofu are Shanklish, that’s a popular Lebanese, high quality sheep’s milk cheese that pairs well with falafel (chickpea and gluten-free) for a “charcuterie” board with a twist.
But toning it down a notch as many of us can’t easily re-create a board like those at professional catered parties, you can make a simple at-home charcuterie board or snack board inspired by bright wedding food colors that are full of polyphenols.
One theme you can use is orange veggies loaded with beta-carotene.
Growing up for me, snacking with bright orange salty snacks wasn’t the healthy kind. And the sweets weren’t either.
These days, processed and high sugar snacks are still easily available and causes toward child obesity on the rise. And if I had to do over, learning healthy snacking habits earlier would have been better and easier.
The healthy switch especially isn’t easy for a Vata with a sweet tooth and salty fix as an adult.
And once a Vata always a Vata.
But if I can do it, you can too if you can get into the mindful space one step at a time.
How about this mid-day bright orange sweet potato board with balsamic buffalo mozzarella cheese and healthy Za’atar crackers?
Za’atar or savory crackers, balsamic buffalo mozzarella, and sweet potato dip are a great way to express healthy snack creativity in minutes. 🍠
Listening to food trends with one ear is also a better idea than going all in as the trend can change.
Low-fat eating dominated trends when I was a young adult and that has changed.
Back then, a no-fat cookie could questionably appear to be healthier than a handful of higher fat almonds for healthy mindful snacking. We know that’s not today’s truth.
And an apple is still an apple, but now we have many varieties including organic types to choose from.
In a metro-city area, finding healthy snack options is easier and at our fingertips.
This was a hummus bar setup at The Wedding Wire HQ.
Here are eight 5-minute healthy mindful snacking break ideas that never grow old…
1.Homemade hummus.
You can make this in 5 minutes with a blender. I use a Magic Bullet that doesn’t need to brought out each time. That’s why it’s magic.🪄
For homemade hummus, you can take a can of garbanzo beans or chickpeas, then add sea salt, and olive oil. Reserve some of the juice for the recipe which is why I opt for organic cans (also lower in sodium).
If you want, add healthy flavors such as garlic, roasted red peppers, or spicy cayenne pepper.
Voila! You have successfully made homemade hummus, and probably less expensively than a store-bought version.
You could dip carrots, celery, or pita chips in your hummus. You can bake your own corn tortilla.
If you want more creaminess like in store bought hummus or want authentic hummus flavors, you could add tahini or sesame oil and peanut butter as a substitution.
2. Guacamole dip or spread.
You can make a simple guacamole dip with smashed ripe avocados and a few drizzles of olive oil and/or a dash of lemon juice. This can also made as a hummus with garbanzo beans.
There are specific breads that taste better with certain spreads. Sprouted bread pairs well with guacamole where others may fail to give you the same taste and healthy experience level.
3. Kale chips.
You can bake dry, pre-washed kale on low heat for crispy kale chips. Simply add sea salt. This is a great nutritional snack alternative to potato chips.
These days the kale bags come pre-washed so you can skip the the washing and drying that saves time.
4. Popcorn with a drizzle of truffle oil.
If you want more fiber in your diet, popcorn is a whole grain with the bran fiber layer intact.
Try to resist the urge to get the movie butter and butter flavors, and instead add a few drops of truffle oil or extra virgin olive oil to give a little healthy fat and flavor.
You can also add a dash of umami mushroom seasoning.
If you want a savory, umami taste without iodized or table salt, you can try plain popcorn and add white pepper. I like to use a white pepper grinder mill that adds an amazing umami taste. For health, don’t add too much white pepper. You can balance the blend with non-iodized sea salt.
Another popcorn favorite is EVOO (olive oil) with a dusting of turmeric for a smoky good health flavor! And another healthy orange snack to add to the board I mentioned! 🧡
5. Granny Smith apple with all-natural peanut or almond butter.
If you have a sweet tooth, you could take a Granny Smith apple, cut up and dip in all-natural peanut butter that you stir up. I prefer organic and keep the skin on for additional nutrients.
Apples keep the doctor away and help to keep your teeth clean. You can also make “candy” apples.
6. Bowl of edamame.
You may have discovered these green looking beans as a sushi restaurant appetizer. They are served in the pod for an experience.
You can also buy them shelled and unshelled edamame in the frozen veggie aisle in some grocery stores like international stores. They are made of soy protein so are more than just veggie snacks. They are also high in calcium and fiber.
Cook or heat up and sprinkle with a pinch of coarse sea salt. You can also find snacks with a wasabi kick that can also help to clear up nasal sinus allergies.
7. Bowl of granola, almonds, or healthy trail mix.
If you have a few additional minutes to wait, you can make granola so easily and whip up a batch for the oven in 5 minutes with oatmeal, honey, light olive oil, and your favorite dried fruits. Spread out to a thin layer on a baking sheet and pop in the oven on low heat.
8. Roasted squash seeds. You can bake in advance your butternut squash and spaghetti squash seeds with EVOO until toasty brown to your liking.
Squash seeds are loaded with Vitamins A, C, some B vitamins, and minerals.
You can learn tips on how to prepare spaghetti squash and what’s going on these days on food allergies from a party menu planner perspective.
Some Final Tips to Consider:
1.Energy and physical health. For Vata bodies especially, when you snack regularly, your metabolism increases. It’s counter-intuitive, but you’ve taught your body that you will be feeding your body more often, so it learns not to live in survival mode.
Fat energy is burned more efficiently because your body no longer needs to store this energy, just in case you get stuck on a snow mountain or cave (and need the fat).
Most people don’t know this, and can believe losing weight is all about eating fewer calories.
That’s important but teaching your body to be efficient is also helpful, along with knowing when to eat the biggest meal like earlier in the day.
There are many theories out there. And giving a new way a try to test is worth the healthy effort.
2.Productivity. Taking a snack break clears your head. You can rest from your project or work, and let your mind rest for a few minutes, and recharge. When you focus on an activity like snacking, this can take you away from multi-tasking.
You remind yourself to take time for yourself. Then when you come back to your work, you get more done. You have more energy.
Many studies show that 10-minute breaks are better for you than one large break.
Do this 6 times a day and that can raise your productivity, preferred over an hour lunch break that could slow you down if you eat a heavy meal.
I find that not setting arbitrary times or alerts for breaks is beneficial because when you snack when you want to, you are fulfilling a desire and not a to-do on your list. Having optimum enjoyment is the goal, and not adding another to-do to your busy day.
3.Creativity. You can come up with additional ideas and breakthroughs with your breaks. You may even find a solution to a problem you’ve had with a healthy mindful snacking break.
Getting up and out of your work gives you normalcy and time to recharge and reset.
Do less, produce more. Enjoy your snacks. Mixing up instead of taking an hour break, a few minutes is all you need to refresh.
You can efficiently use these breaks to also take quick restroom breaks.
We sometimes get too busy. I get some of my best ideas doing the simplest tasks like walking to the kitchen or cleaning a bowl.
4.Mindfulness. After you pick up your snack with your hands or fork, you can focus on chewing small bites and can draw your attention back to your sense of tasting, smelling, and touching.
These little body movements and sensation cues are so undervalued in our busy worlds. They turn us to our Ayurvedic ways that are natural to us in balance when our systems are running in balance.
Drawing yourself back to your present moment also brings an appreciation for what you have — more evidence of happy moments and joy in your life that you can become aware of in the mind-body connection.
5.Emotional health. A simple habit of healthy snacking can help you in moments if you feel anxiety coming on, especially during a stressful season.
Stress serves a purpose. When you look at solidly built trees they have endured stress.
Trees form tight rings when they’re under stress that gives them the foundation to help them keep growing and build strength. Getting through stressful times is helpful for your progress and growth.
Snacks can help you stay happy. These small things (and habits) make a big difference to impact your mind-body.
You can take this a step further and add to healthy mindful snacking, another life-enhancing way to handle or process any feelings you have that are not helping you in your day.
You can listen to inspiring music, or reset with a yoga pose and intention like Mountain Pose (standing with your arms wide in the air or heart center) for mindfulness, zen, or meditation.
Your intention can be creativity, getting a project done, or believing what you want to happen is on the way.
These are examples of complementary activities. These small moments will keep your focus on your day’s purpose and what you want to accomplish.
Why are the simple things the ones we often ignore? They can have the most impact on our mind-body health.
Getting a reminder to do simple activities, such as drinking more water, can be what we need. When we start one simple task, that sets our mind to think there may be other simple habits that we can incorporate or bring back to our awareness and daily lives like to snack mindfully.
Pay attention to what you’re feeling if you’re more of a thinker. Women especially have a way to power through and discredit our feelings.
If you feel overall overwhelmed, a complicated life creates anxiety. This can be a sign to step away and get back on track to the simple or main things in your life (to calm your mind-body).
If you run a business, or if you have two jobs as a parent and going to work, find ways to simplify your life. Build systems and do the things you really want to do.
I often use, you only get to do this life once, and this moment once as a mantra. This keeps me from veering off the path or doing things I could regret as much as I can prevent.
And maybe that helps you. Taking in your mind-body moments will be beneficial for your physical and mental health today and in the future that you’re taking a step in creating today.
Abandonment is not an area that should hinder you or your growth. Your past is not your future.
Shining light through the ordinary things in life helps create awareness and beauty. Awareness can heal past wounds, and trauma from abandonment feelings.
Our brains keep memories and our bodies keep score.
Your past is your past, but your mind processes random entering thoughts inefficiently, without using an organized filing system (where yesterday’s past can be mixed into today’s thoughts like spaghetti strands in today’s meal).
I know from my past that past abandonment thoughts that hadn’t yet healed can quickly muddy your current thoughts and actions.
Resurfacing pain-filled memories can do damage.
Abandonment Is a Spectrum
Abandonment can be one of those fuzzy and invisibly damaging memories that you may not know you have or are holding onto if you your family stayed intact.
That’s my recollection.
On one end of the spectrum, if you grew up in a foster system or were physically abandoned by a parent, that would no question hurt who you were growing up and you possibly still carry hurt in who you are now.
On the other end, if you had small injuries you couldn’t put a label on with one defining incident, that can actually hurt you more because in the invisible (unconscious) you don’t know you need healing.
And if you have unattended wounds, one day, you can get triggered and start snapping at your partner or a close person, subconsciously displacing your emotions, and blaming the wrong person for leaving you or ignoring your wants.
If you’re aware, you realize that how you behaved has nothing to do with them, but all about you and your past!
Psychotherapist, Susan Anderson wrote in a Huffington Post article, that you could have any of these damaging 40 post-trauma effects that include lingering insecurity, anxiety, and shame.
I felt like a shadow in daily life and on family vacations when I was still in grade school.
That was my an identity memory I held on to until my 20s. And the wound left was feeling unworthy and low self-esteem…
Since then, my scars have been completely healed as I made a point to bring light to the invisible wounds years ago. And as time passed, I knew that what I went through was not a mishap.
Life planned for me to grow up where I did with the parents I had was to help make me a better and whole person that I am today.
To be fully healed and forgiving, helped me to look skin deep and find my second act in this one and only life we have.
That’s the transformational shift that made me take a real-hard second look because I had been carrying clouded insecurities with me in my life, work, and relationships.
Getting to the Root of It All (The Ego)
For as much as I can remember my parents didn’t know how to express love, or give hugs or kisses.
From what I know they didn’t have parents that give them that either.
That was their upbringing in another culture, and growing up in those post-World War 2 times where vulnerability wasn’t a strength (and could be seen as a scandal).
So, my growing up daily around American friends as a first-generation American, I leaned into and went out of my way at time to be touchy-feely with my friends.
Having affectionate expression is especially important when your primary love language is touch (that mine is).
Words are important. Hearing “I love you” comforts the loving part of our mind and affects our deep rooted insecurities.
Love can quiet our primitive ego minds that in any weak moment can deceive and slip us into unhealthy ego fearful thoughts.
If we easily get seduced into a negative spiral, shame trap or think we’re not enough (let alone good enough), we can blame others (or ourselves especially if we’re sensitive).
This is unless in self-awareness, we stop the fearful mind dead in its tracks from the momentary soothing drama trap that we’ve fallen into.
I know I did that for years, I allowed my brain to go where it wanted thinking those were my thoughts. Ha! …but, when you know better, you do better (said the wise poet Maya Angelou).
If the cunning-tricking part of ego in your mind is something you aren’t yet aware about, figuring that out can be a Life Changer for you and save you years of wasting time in negative, unproductive thoughts.
…And when I learned how to transform my mind where the thoughts began, I could be fully empathetic and change any negative script.
In self-therapy with a few good self-help books along the way, I can see my good-intentioned parents. If they knew better, they would have done better.
They are immigrants like so many in America are today. And just by that one-word description, you can guess they had struggles like most of us have, whether we admit to ourselves or not.
So to me, my parents deserve a nice kudos for trying in this one life where we don’t have a manual handed to us.
They could have just stayed behind and never dared to hope and dream.
Instead, they persisted and started a new life in a new land.
They grew up during hardships and heard the sound of bombings living on a Pacific island where they didn’t go to school for several years, sharing some similarities to the pandemic world we’ve experienced in 2020.
They lived in fear during their most formative years when childhood thoughts have a way of settling in deep and for the long haul.
There were 8 in my father’s family where individual wants weren’t met, as their basic needs were only met with limited resources.
They didn’t grow up having preferences and they experienced times when they only had a small meal each day.
After they immigrated decades later, they had to figure out the American culture when they were almost mid-life adults, landing during the chaotic 60’s and Kennedy assasination (a crisis in itself), and the Beatles era where social reform was a norm similar to today.
Learning to drive a car for the first time in a foreign land, and trying to provide for a family of four during a 70’s oil crisis and recession when I entered the picture, must’ve been hard.
From that empathetic lens, I understand why there are only two baby photos of me (and probably contributing to why I love photos today).
They traded one struggle for another. In life’s difficulties, they sought to find normalcy, provide a roof over their heads plus for my sister and I, put food on the table, and raised a family.
All these points I just mentioned, a high ego mind hates to hear as that releases blame.
But if everyone could let go of blame and offer forgiveness for the areas in their life they’re most emotional, heated, and passionate about, we’d have a more peaceful world.
From Abandonment (Victim Mentality) to Learning Abundance
My parents’ mindsets were filled with not having enough..
I sensed their feeling of lack growing up, so I never asked for much and I knew I had to forge my own paths and resources.
I couldn’t live from their paradigms and limiting beliefs and I had to create my own.
And I thought I was on my right path, until I was blindsided that I held an invisible victim mentality.
But that was the cold, hard fact that came crashing down on me when a mirror was shown to my face. I had mixed messages in my mind of my past and current life reality. In my mind, the clouds were in the gray mess.
The Cloudiness In Not Having Defined Labels
On the outside, I was aware I was strong-minded and confident, and on the inside, but I needed past parts to heal that hadn’t been addressed.
When unexplainable anger and anxiety emotions bubbled up from nowhere other than a small trigger, I learned how to cope. That’s what we all by default do in our own way if we don’t know better.
I thought that was just the way I was.
As an adult I recalled memories to help me see my wounds. I needed the wounds to scar. A vivid memory I recalled was when we took a family vacation to Disney World.
I remember I was unhappy at the Happiest Place on Earth because we spent all our time at Epcot Center (learning different cultures). Today of course that would be exciting to me.
But in my young mind back then, by the end of day because of my passive whining moves of staying extremely quietness (I never whined, I was invisible!) we ended up at Magic Kingdom.
I was hoping my parents would notice something was wrong with me. My dream came true.
But back then I felt guilty for taking up time and space (my invisible identity kicked in), so I didn’t have ideas for what we would do in the Magical Kingdom. Part of my immature child’s mind was still in shock that we were actually there.
I wished we could have had a more fun family day, but looking back now, I’m grateful we spent time at Epcot and that’s where I’d be today amongst adults if I was at the park.
And maybe that was formed from the memories I had.
But in healthy awareness today, it makes total sense for a child who felt abandoned to have reacted the way I did, especially after I learned decades later there was such a thing as a PTSD of abandonment label.
I don’t like labels as I think they grow the problem, but that’s a good description.
Learning this label exists brought the trauma to light and also reinforces there are others out there who have experienced similar trauma.
Had I known thiat in my 20s, that would’ve saved me years of grief.
Today I’m grateful of the discovering journey I went on to be where I am today.
I’m also convinced you can speed your discovery process up in your life today if you want to.
What Awareness Can Do To Help You
When I became aware, I learned how to speak up more and take up more space.
And I’m grateful I have my vacation memory that helped shape my gradual abundant mindset transformation, that btw, you can change inside you no matter your situations.
I also healed my abandonment childhood wounds instead of allowing my mind to rationalize a past memory as a silly thought I had decades ago. I took it seriously.
By doing this, I ended future material that the ego could have had a field day with (and over and over again!).
It’s best to get it all out in the open to yourself as a real story you lived through, so you can get mind-healthy, and be in control of your destiny.
…Otherwise you can go on living invisibly damaged.
Your invisible abandonment and other childhood traumas can be something you heal yourself from, so your wounds become scars that you grow and learn from, and you become better than when you started. That’s how I feel.
If you have feelings of abandonment, here are a few productive actions you can take today from my lessons learned:
4 Abandonment and Healing Exercises and Freeing Questions to Ask Yourself
1.Witness negative thoughts that arise that turn into negative emotions. Use those moments to ask yourself, “why am I feeling this way?”
Because in most situations others wouldn’t react that way. This can center you to be your own healer instead of wrapped in the drama of your minds’ thoughts.
Question and wonder if your today position in your situations posing conflict comes from the needs and wants you didn’t receive from your past. Likely that’s the case.
2.Remind yourself to distant your Younger Self mind and thoughtsfrom your forming better ones (that turn into attitudes and habits).
If you find yourself behaving, mimicking, or sounding like a child reminiscent of when you were younger, then that’s a sign that healing is needed somewhere along the line.
Because having fun doesn’t mean acting like your younger (immature) self when you were younger.
That’s a reflection that there’s a missing piece to grow into who you want to be and become.
Consider if you were playing with a child, you’d play with the child in a way that entertains them, but you wouldn’t mimic to them how you sounded when you were 4 years old, but could change your voice to a Muppet or cartoon character for entertainment value.
In this mature way of an adult acting playful (child-like but not childish), you’re drawing from a present place of creative acting, and not from your 4-year old mind.
Today is a new day, but you have to tell your mind that constantly so it becomes automatic. Also, keep questioning why you act or react the way you do.
The old brain files never get completely deleted but they can show up with new insight and then get re-archived, so the effect they have is more historical fact than attached emotional turmoil.
Think of when you tell your sad story the first time, you may have trouble forming words over tears or anger, but then if you were to give a Ted Talk, by practicing over and over again, the story becomes less traumatic if you keep re-telling your mind-body-soul the story in different, impactful ways (getting rid of every last bit of pain and resentment).
Life is better, and the old you and life are gone, so keep reminding you old brain and self that you’re safe.
And that abandonment was in the past, even if your pain happened last year from a loved one. You’re great and free now.
You’re a new person today and remind yourself how far you’ve come with change and transformation you made.
Keep committing to growth and change.
3.Observe and be aware when you react a certain way that creates discord in you or with others. Is how you’re behaving, rational or fearful baggage you’re carrying?
Because with others, you get a mirror reflecting back to you.
Asking non-judgmental questions to yourself and to them is a better way.
Compare how you would ask someone you didn’t know the same question (in a more guarded manner) and to your familiar tribe where you are more vulnerable, intimate, and the veil is removed.
4.Focus on each person’s positives. We can be expecting more from loved ones, and then focusing on differences instead of the initial similarities.
In long-term relationships, you adopt the others’ views as your own and what you both think, but that’s not the case at the beginning where the power struggle can be debating who is right or wrong and where emotional hurts are announced.
The reason cuts are deep is because you care. And sometimes to be empathetic, you have to let go and not care so much, so that there’s a chance for growth.
That’s how you can grow and heal from childhood wounds.
What if in my story I chose to look at my life as a gift, and that it wasn’t up to my parents to meet my wants and that they gave more of themselves in this world by having me, their second child.
From that perspective, I would release abandonment and blame.
What if you could do that for all aspects in your life that you are and aren’t aware about, wouldn’t that be great?
Final Thoughts
And lastly… if you still struggle to figure out why you’re anxious or have frequent outbursts for no reason that you can’t pinpoint why, most likely they come from your way back past and are tucked away in your old brain and need healing.
You could ask yourself: did you ever feel abandonment?
That could be the start of your healing along with purposeful shadow work.
Spaghetti squash is an anti-inflammatory food. And if you’re trying to stay away from gluten or inflammatory foods for healthy eating, then squashes fit the bill. Spaghetti squash can even take the place of spaghetti carbs.
Make this spaghetti squash bowl easy from the recipe steps below 🍝
It also has more fiber. And you can count on A, B, and C vitamins.
Both vitamins A and C are antioxidants that help to protect against chronic diseases that can develop from chronic inflammation.
And your allergies and eczema skin symptoms can be telltale. It doesn’t always have to be an internal diagnosis as inflammatory warning signs.
I learned this firsthand when I experienced adult eczema in a nightmarish way during the world pandemic. It was a 3 month saga I’d love to forget. But then ended up in the hospital emergency room a year later for a related episode that had to do with food eating habits.
Before then, I knew common allergy foods from the outside as I planned parties and food menus working with thousands of groups with known food allergies and gluten sensitivities.
Gluten flour was a red flag for the chef foods prepared and I’d add a special label to food items on food tables that were gluten-free
For my preventing eczema better food habits, white flour and white table sugar are ingredients I try to use less of in my recipes and low-sugar desserts. That seems to do the trick (along with skin moisturizing often)!
Choosing gluten free flours for pasta is more healthy for most people and those with allergies.
Because white table sugar is a primary inflammatory food source. It raises blood sugar.
That’s probably no surprise as too much sugar can make your skin crawl (itch) and no research (other than asking your sweet taste buds 😋) has sanely suggested that sugar is good for you.
But that’s hard news to swallow when you’re a sweet tooth (and a Vata body like me).
But I’m happy to say that even though I love baking (and do it weekly), I’ve learned how to bake healthy and keep eczema at bay. And yes make bakes that are sweet tooth satisfying (otherwise why bother?).
…Boring rice crackers are not my cup of tea. I’m looking for the sweet childhood desserts I remember that leave no inflammatory memory.
Because I’m a foodie…
And when I started in catering management for upscale hotel chains, there was only a vegetarian menu option outside of what others ate.
Then common requests grew like “hold the onions” and “hold the garlic.”
And peanut and nut allergies cropped up.
When I dug deeper into creating menus for food allergy group requests, we found that guests who had some peanut allergies could sometimes eat tree nuts like pine nuts.
They even reported back they liked certain dishes with them.
And shellfish can be another tricky allergy area, but gratefully I didn’t work much with those foods.
An affected person who has even a trace of the shellfish can experience a life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis shock. Like gluten to Celiac disease people, it can be a real issue.
Your body gives different health conditions signs as warning. But a warning is a warning..
Also corn, oats, and quinoa (pseudo-grain) meals are good ideas since they are naturally gluten-free.
Corn is actually the largest agricultural crop produced in the United States.
But what spikes the blood sugar of one person is different for another person in our biodiversity.
Testing food and exposing yourself to a variety of healthy foods helps the body function as you get more vitamins, minerals, and anti-inflammatory nutrition.
Adding more organic plant-based 🌱 in nature when possible, and less plant based (factory) foods 🏭 help your entire body system run better.
Every little bit of our effort counts…
And adding more healthy food variety, and nutrient-dense plant-forward foods is a double-win, scoring points for our bodies and our earth. 🌍
Small switches can be as easy as exchanging pasta made from flour for a spaghetti squash bowl (steps below).
Also, focus on anti-inflammatory foods and include a Mediterranean Diet or Mediterranean-style diet. Many of the foods are found in both diets. Like spaghetti squash would be acceptable on both diets.
Changing your habits like a regular sweet one for a plant-based breakfast is doable. I’m living proof. 😊
And I take another page from my catering days where Crudite was a platter offered at almost every event.
That’s basically raw veggies like cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, and asparagus.
Those are good sources of fiber that your body needs to better absorb foods.
We often forget about the fiber as we’ve been primed to think of the macros (protein, carbs, and fat).
I discovered spaghetti squash as a meal substitute when vegetarians requested special meals when I was working in hotel catering planning. It's an easy anti-inflammatory food bowl or dish to prepare.
Course dinner, lunch
Cuisine American
Total Time 1 hourhour10 minutesminutes
Author Brandy @ Healthy Happy Life Secrets
Equipment
Bread knife or safer sawing knife.
Spoon
Ingredients
spaghetti squash gourd
extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
Instructions
Score the gourd lengthwise. do not try to cut the hard gourd raw
Bake your spaghetti squash for about 20 minutes at 350°F or so. Then softened, you can cut where you scored. Tip: for the ends (like on pumpkins, take the firmly planted inside squash knife and twist to the right at the top and then at the bottom of the squash and that should do the trick break it open fully into two halves)
Face the two halves down on a baking sheet. You can add a ‘lil EVOO if you like.
Bake for 50 minutes or until you can scoop out strands easily with a spoon. You can test with a fork if you like. About half way through, when you see browning, flip the halves so they're facing up, and add a 'lil more EVOO drizzle.
Optional: keep the healthy seeds and enjoy them as snacks! Roast them along when you're baking the squash.
Real life vs. virtual world is a reality today. We felt this during the pandemic when we were on lockdown and had opportunity for more virtual connection. Real life was maybe more home and or outdoor focused.
Avocados 🥑 are nutri-delicious and you can grow an avocado plant easily from a healthy seed as a heathy real life activity! 🌱
And the lessons we learned were mostly from our own experiences. They shaped us in our hybrid worlds today in 2025 and beyond.
Today we’re balancing real life vs. virtual world digital life where AI is the new digital movement.
It’s a brand new era of possibilities.
Figuring out your balance is where you will get the best reward and living 80/20 real life vs. virtual world is going to be your healthiest best.
You grow when you get out and meet people instead of staring at digital screens. You may be more productive and scalable on your screen reaching more people, but the connections you make with in-person connections will be higher quality.
They also help you have a happier life and get more restful sleep as you’re not staring at blue screen lights non-stop.
Below I provide some ideas and tips from my own self-discovery of an 80/20 balance from 2020 where I clearly saw the contrast and learned useful real life vs. virtual world digital balance lessons.
Co-working spaces are opportunities to make connections and water cooler chat in real life. Zoom and video conferencing are still opportunities to meet more people in different places.
Adding those two meeting opportunities enriches lives and promotes growth in your life and community.
In the Blue Zones regions around the world (with the highest number of vibrant 100 year olds on the planet), community is a common factor.
Conversations happen in community and provide opportunities.
Offline (real life), I once had a office coworker from another department who had over a dozen healthy plants in her office and as a conversation starter I said to her, “the air in here must be really good!”
She pointed out the growth of specific plants (they were her babies), and how wee-small they were when her daughter was born and now off in college.
Proximity was an opportunity to connect and provide opportunity to tear down department communication walls.
That also inspired me to bring in my own house plant as you can never have enough metaphors in life for growth.
And today you may have your work-from-home living situation. And over time, that can get lonely. That’s also when real life vs virtual world connections have the most benefit.
Lessons Learned From 80/20 Real Life vs. Virtual World
If you want to live more balanced, get more good sleep and enjoy this life while not missing seasons. And if you want to get up earlier, rearrange your bed so that it’s closest to the window. Turn the shades so that natural light comes in at sunrise. That transformatively helps to biohack your circadian rhythm naturally.
When I did this, I noticed I got up 1-2 hours earlier every day appreciating sunrise. Getting sunlight in and through your eyes, wakes you up!
Create boundaries so you can have the balanced, 80/20 happy life you want.
You can count how many days you’ve left your house. And if it’s less than 4 per week, that’s a sign that you’re less than 50% doing real life with others.
And you find that you’re flip-flopped or less than 20% in the real life vs. the virtual world (80% plus), you definitely want to evaluate and change some things so you can “stop and smell the roses” and enjoy your foods, that are not in digital cookies. 😊
That’s what I found my life was becoming back in our social distancing world days.
And now that we are socializing again, it’s still not the same as in the past.
It is reported that Gen Z generations living in this increasingly heavy digital world are reporting their sleep is suffering. Unlike younger and older Millennials (Xennials), they weren’t all born before the internet so they only know the Web 3 and beyond worlds.
These days not having digital boundaries is definitely affecting any of us, so it’s good to be aware.
Counting and gauging your overall daily hours online is a healthy, first-step awareness exercise.
This brings me back to the point of finding the best balance that’s achievable.
Keeping a calendar helps to check your real life vs. virtual world balance. And if you keep a printed calendar on-hand then you rely less on the digital world.
Getting inspiration to go back to at least 60% real life vs. virtual world is a healthier balance, no matter what your type of work is, for an overall happier life. Aiming for at least 4 days where you get out of the house.
Besides running errands, you could sign up for events or volunteer so those are built into your schedule.
Your time on Zoom counts as virtual hours. Meeting for coffee in the real world has a different effect than seeing someone on a Zoom screen.
Connecting to people in the virtual world saves travel time and the value is the idea exchange, growing further, sharing, and collaborating newborn opportunities and ideas with people around the world.
So balancing the two worlds (real life vs. virtual world) is tricky.
During 2020, counting hours helped me to become aware of my own behaviors, and helped influence me to add back real-world life hours and joy in a safe physical environment.
One thing is I learned how to use the manual setting on an SLR camera that’s been sitting in a closet for almost a decade dying to be used properly.
Since applying learned camera lessons, I’ve been excited to take photos again in real life.
Another example is, I learned how to use the dough hook that comes with the Kitchen Aid mixer, where I was able to make all types of low-sugar brunch desserts and foods that I missed when I was at real life brunches.
And I discovered new food varieties! Like, I didn’t know there was a Cara Cara orange variety until I infused them in my low-sugar orange scones.
If you’re a Vata like me, you can see and appreciate nature changing and evolutions in the world through food variety.
And when adopting enhancements in your adapting life, you probably have progressed more in your life than you give yourself credit for.
Here are some additional positive examples that happened (that are still relevant and you can try!):
2020 Pantry Stock (Real life vs. virtual world)
The real life 2020 pantry!
I learned how to stock and keep a supply of grocery goods in a closet pantry for convenience (and just in case), that saves time.
While pulling out older items, I took the time to read the nutrition labels and intentionally deciding to keep some of the “bad foods” that’s readily available when we didn’t know if a food shortage could exist.
…They are still joyful foods for kids and we do live in a real world where it’s good to be sensitive to the world’s food insecurities in community, compassion, and empathy, in a kinder-giving and patient world we’re living in and becoming.
Having a pantry helps make you appreciate the real world vs. virtual world.
When you leave your digital device and healthy food interweb searches, you get to compassionately learn that food banks have lines and where more expensive healthy meal planning is not the main goal of the average American household.
And when I think back to Pop Tarts or a bag of Tootsie lollipops (off the charts in sugar content), I stop healthy judgment, and feel grounded from my humbled beginnings.
These have been popular treats since I was a little girl and taught me to change my ways in 2020 where eczema had a life in me. And since then found the better anti-inflammatory eating ways one baby at a time that’s more like a weekly 7 day eczema diet plan to eliminate any flareups today.
I eat less sugar baking my own desserts which is healthy and something I may have never pursued on my own. 🍥
You just never know how tough situations can pan out and bring in better ways… that you organically learn about living through those seasons one day at a time.
And daily to keep focus, whether you use Post-Its or Trello boards (or digital similar tools) for life productivity, those micro choices shape and shift your 80/20 balanced life.
What tool you use isn’t what’s so important, as much as how they serve you and keeping an 80/20 real life/digital balance.
And that’s the same reason why I have a yoga mat permanently laid out on the floor.
It’s easy to get distracted in our blending real life vs. virtual world where we balance life-work-and everything else.
A benefit of doing the balance is you stay very relevant to all the changes around you and the world.
Balancing helps to not go extreme in either way.
It allows us not to get left behind in the process of who we could become in this world and also what’s happening in the world.
Catching some of the daily news is helpful but not watching or reading for hours is healthy. We keep using what we learn to benefit our experiences.
And blocking out all social media isn’t necessarily healthy while looking at your devices first-thing in the morning isn’t either. So finding that happy medium balance of 80/20 helps.
Here are a few learned tips to view social media and digital communication (in case you’ve been living out mostly in the real world!):
Have patience with tools that drop communication and people not replying back because of busy real, and digital life overwhelm reasons. You can be pleasantly surprised how waiting can lower your blood pressure (it has mine).
We didn’t tolerate slow tech issues a decade ago (faster was a goal), and now we’ve mellowed out. Catch yourself from taking no replies back as a personal rejection to you (always believe it’s a technology glitch, other party personal overwhelm, and not your human glitch!).
Girl, I don’t know you as a reply to a stranger’s DM in social media, is no longer the kinder way you should respond to people reaching out to you in our sensitive #metoo society. Have no judgment.
Some people are unaware as no adult today was born with social media as a daily norm. We’ve all committed to a social media faux pas or two (even if we’re not aware). Kindly react or let someone they know (not you, a stranger to them) respond to them.
And yeah, spam is still spam to a stranger, so unfollow as needed without thinking the Universe is going to take that as your negative energy. Just think, you’re helping spammers (who could be a bot 🤖) figure out who their people are and that so happens to not be you, someone who cares.
Don’t be afraid to reach out with good intentions. Friend circle divides have been broken. It’s now…. do we have anything in common even if it’s just a mutual engagement on a conversation thread? Don’t overthink. Just post and reply authentically so people know you exist.
If you have kind-hearted intentions, don’t feel regret or question whether you should I have posted or commented? Be brave. Sometimes you only get one chance and then the time has passed.
In network meetings, make a habit to act like that could be the last time you see any one person even though there are future meetings scheduled. You just never know and opportunities don’t wait.
Social media is encouraging all of us to embrace each other, our vulnerabilities and differences. Being fearless, collaborating, and taking initiative are how you make inroads and meaningful impact.
You may even discover an interest, passion, or purpose in the process! When you listen to other people’s journeys and how they discovered their calling, you realize that they didn’t set out to do what they do.
They found an opportunity and that took them to their next step action that provided the next step clarity. And years later they have blossomed and can look back and re-tell their passion origin story.
Create discipline for time and space. I found myself pulled into podcasts, social media, Zoom, and other conversations when I wasn’t fully present.
If you don’t need to enter them (e.g. not scheduled on your calendar), then keep staying productive with your main focus task. It could be an activity or it could be staying creative that could be a strategy.
For non-essential tasks, if it’s not a good time or you’re not receptive, come back to those non-real time recordings and listen when you can pay attention to get the most benefit.
Real Life, Work-Life Balance :
I’m very specific and serious about getting high-priority, creativity, and deep-thinking mind activities done in the morning as I protect those golden hours. It’s the natural planner in me.
Then as night falls, I become more flexible about how I feel and anything I do is additional. This leaves wiggle room for being less rigid (quality over quantity).
Being structured and flexible shapes you into a well-rounded person (generalist), empathetic to the world that’s more needed than ever, and then you add your uniqueness and talents (specialist) to the mix.
You can find your balance and rhythm to do both, in your staying flexible, open, and intentional life.
And if you work or spend most your time at home, creating boundaries is super important. Closing an office door, turning off the television, or shutting down a laptop helps.
Create different room zones that divide activity. Have a special nook for your journaling and reflection time, and a separate area where you exercise.
Even if you’re in tighter quarters like a city apartment or bedroom, you could set a pillow or mat on the floor by the window and that gives you a new perspective.
Defining time and space is more important than the perfect physical space or a large space.
What used to be called “me time” a decade ago (that could sound selfish if over-indulgent), is now prized as self-care in our aware world to what helps to create a successful life. See how the world is coming around 😊
So, keep restoring your inner you and peace, and making micro habit shifts to improve your vitality and grow the relationships around you.
When you healthily re-enter the digital world that never sleeps, you can add more value to your virtual spaces, tribes, and groups.
Set your timer or stack one of your habits.
You can show up adding value and sharing your real-life natural gifts, talents, and mutual interests
And when it’s time to switch back to your balanced 80% real-life (work-life-sleep) routine, put your devices back to sleep. 🛏
Because devices and imbalanced lifestyles, can put you feeling out-of-sorts. Your mind and/or body can feel like it’s in a mood funk from your usual balance, but you can restore your body-mind type imbalances.
I share what I learned from top-to-bottom in one stressful season where I turned to modern Ayurveda ways as a solution that costs you practically nothing and you can do conveniently in your surroundings (even if your home is in a busy city in the Western world) once you know what to do.
