Category: Mental Health and Wellness

The gifts of imperfection are not found in holding onto perfection. I learned the hard way in and around the area I grew up in…

If you change your perfection ways, you can discover the gifts of imperfection over perfection. You can achieve bigger and better things.

Perfection can create unwanted side effects like anxiety and self-pity (that you can overcome). If you’re an overachiever, you know how aiming for perfection can create performance anxiety.

Thankfully “progress over perfection” replaces “practice makes perfect” in our delicate world.

Because early on I wasn’t perfect in school. I attended the #1 highest ranking public high schools in America (in the DC suburbs) at the time, and that didn’t help my cause. Let’s say I ended up doing well, but that didn’t seem perfect or good enough at times especially when applying for top colleges.

At home, my dad was a high achiever, a hardworking Harvard architect who graduated at the top of his class, earned an impressive scholarship, and the whole nine yards. He had high ideals in life and I got the passed-on message about those ambitious expectations.

Perfection was a value and I was more like an Eton Mess than perfect.

I didn’t always know what the expectations were but I knew I fell short, so I bagged the perfect model concept early on. The problem was I had nothing to replace with, like progress over perfection. Or fail forward means you’re trying.

But I kept going and so did you…

If you’ve carried perfectionist ideals along your journey, I know where you’re coming from.  It’s not easy to shake off the past… with the good, bad and ugly.

And thing that did help me was knowing that no one on earth. There was only one and he’s no longer on earth.

So I decided that good meant keeping high standards and wanting to make achievements in life (and valuing the gifts of imperfection).

Naturally, you want to do your best but the wheels do fall off sometimes in our fallen world.

And when you become obsessive in the process of an outcome, that can be self-destructive and unhealthy.

Perfectionist behaviors can also negatively rub off on other people or into blame situations.

The ego or Imposter mind can be crafty and find coping ways to urgently nourish your soul and body if you let your mind run and ruin your life. Keeping your mind separate from you and your spirit can help your journey.

Re-defining and embracing imperfection is the healthier way to a happy life.

The Gifts of Imperfection at Work

Remind yourself that being imperfect is better. Maybe, that’s getting things done is better than none.

Remind yourself how you made imperfection work for you in the past. That people embraced your imperfect work.

…If you forgot to do something, as we all do, you’re no longer perfect so that helps you to rule out perfection as always. Our ego loves to use “always” and “never” when it’s usually more like “sometimes”, “often”, or “rarely.”

You may not even have missed out on this activity in any impactful way.

One of the best things you can do to let go is to fail at something and see that: 1) you survived, 2) you’re okay, and 3) something good came out of your scenario… maybe it was that you learned 1 and 2 and can repeat. Usually you can find a positive if you want to that helps your outlook and growth.

You can embrace: Good is good enough. When I embraced this mantra, it helped me to hit “send” and “publish.”

You get more done and are happier taking the stress and pressure off yourself. Because what will be, will be. So many factors are out of controls anyways.

Being imperfect sets you up to keep going, doing, and trying…. and eventually finding your purpose or destiny.

Catching and correcting written spelling and grammar mistakes is good but is different than making sure every word is perfect to your mind’s satisfaction.  There’s a fine line between valuing your work and what you do, and obsessing over the quality because of what that would represent if you didn’t perform well in some way.

Your performance isn’t as important as those youu impact.  That’s the lesson from the movie Burnt where Actor Bradley Cooper’s Type-A and chef character learns that letting go of his perfection for a calmer teamwork environment brings home the additional Michelin star success.

The supporting kitchen staff actors are empowered to do their jobs without feeling like they’re walking on eggshells in front of their boss.

You may have also learned this lesson as an employee working with others and working towards climbing the organization ladder.

And you may have found that those promoted weren’t necessarily the hardest workers who delivered flawless work.  Some weren’t even as qualified as the person who should’ve gotten the promotional job, but they were trusted with their work given to them (as part of the gifts of imperfection).

Most importantly, they worked at building relationships and connections while others focused on producing the best work.

Building good rapport is a skill that’s valued and can be even more difficult than keeping the head down doing work. People want to work with those they know, like, and trust. So letting your guard down some and letting them know a personal side of you can help you win points.

It’s not just in what you say or how you say it. There’s an energy that you give off even when you’re sitting in front of your computer that you may not even know you’re giving off.

Everyone has a part they can play no matter what special personalities they display. Your non-judgment of others and focusing on their positives is what will create a good work environment for you…

Not necessarily being the person who does perfect work.  Perfection is an illusion.  What you do today, will be obsolete tomorrow or forgotten by most, years from now. Who you showed up as, and your progress contributions will be remembered.

So, what if you’re caught up in the perfectionist trap?

If you find yourself falling for perfectionist obsessive ways, being self-critical or beating yourself up, here are some smart steps to take:

 Be perfect.

Whaaat?  Yes, be perfect. It’s all in your mind. When you force yourself to NOT do something, you unintentionally end up doing that behavior.  Because your subconscious brain doesn’t hear NOT.

It picks up that you are focusing energy towards that area.  It’s not always helping you, and your eyeballs can even skip over the words “not,” as part of the process if you’re reading words on a page.

So you’re trying not to be perfect, can backfire. (I’ve deliberately highlighted the word “not” in several ways here to catch your attention).

Instead in self-awareness, catch yourself and realize that you don’t want to do that anymore. Because before you probably didn’t see it when you were acting that way, but now you’re aware.

So give yourself grace to take two steps forward and one step backward in growth.

In the beginning, it can be like an internal dance you’re trying to figure out. But you’ll get it because you’re trying to make it better than the old ways that didn’t work the way you hoped.

Your trying can shift over to your growing out of perfection instead of toward your output.

Imperfection takes less effort, and caring less sometimes is the answer if your mind is running the show.

Eventually the gifts of imperfection outweigh perfection with your desires and efforts.

But, there are exceptions and times when you do want to shine and be as perfect as possible. So you don’t want to lose all your perfection traits if that’s what comes naturally to you.

Like when you have a performance or presentation to give and want to wow the critics. Or you have a test or an interview to ace.  The difference here is that these aren’t everyday occurrences and they’re solo acts you want to nail.

Back when I had school team presentations, several times I was disappointed when the group didn’t do the part they agreed to.  Letting go of the idea that everyone was as dedicated, I learned later to do every piece of their part and mine, as though it were performed and turned in solely by me…

That was my backup plan.

If the team came through on their parts, then I would rely on them. And when they did, I realized that we had better information as I could chime in with additional insight in their areas and mine because the research was done.

I gave my best and that’s all I could do. And that’s the attitude to embrace for progress over perfection.

Stay Authentic

In make or break situations, stay authentic to your deeper, healthy self desires.

Let go of worries.

Striving for high standards is a better way of living.

Be happy with your imperfect message and letting your caring, human side come out.

You can come back and change your thoughts. You don’t have to nail every point flawlessly the first time.  We think we never have a chance to do over.

That’s true only if you think it is. If you came across as serious before, you can come back as light-hearted or funny in a pivot around new audiences.

Be comfortable where you are and your confident energy will shine through. Keep showing up the way you want to be perceived.

You get to be who you want to be as human, not perfect (remembering the gifts of imperfection).

If you think these tips could help someone grow, please share with them.

And here’s how you can make your own Eton Mess dessert that could be a good metaphor to embracing your authentic creativity and imperfection inside you.