I recorded a happy and calm “a day in the life” dog moment in this portrait painting 🙂
I once adopted a rescue chihuahua mix dog where I learned from him how to cure social anxiety. He was the cutest and sweetest dog ever. In my meeting with him, I knew he was the perfect dog for me then.
He acted calm (not jumpy like the Jack Russell terrier type). Walking around, he also acted curious, interested and engaged.
So excited, I did the paperwork the next day and took him home. I’d never had a dog before, but I was convinced he was a pet owner’s dream. If you have a dog, I’m sure you understand as you probably think the same things with your dogs!
The gifts of imperfection are not found in holding onto perfection. I learned the hard way in and around the area I grew up in…
If the U.S. Capitol were a cake, it would have perfect lines, and these were the standards in the schools and household I grew up in.
If you change your perfection ways, you can discover the gifts of imperfection over perfection. You can achieve bigger and better things.
Perfection can create unwanted side effects like anxiety and self-pity (that you can overcome). If you’re an overachiever, you know how aiming for perfection can create performance anxiety.
Thankfully “progress over perfection” replaces “practice makes perfect” in our delicate world.
Because early on I wasn’t perfect in school. I attended the #1 highest ranking public high schools in America (in the DC suburbs) at the time, and that didn’t help my cause. Let’s say I ended up doing well, but that didn’t seem perfect or good enough at times especially when applying for top colleges.
At home, my dad was a high achiever, a hardworking Harvard architect who graduated at the top of his class, earned an impressive scholarship, and the whole nine yards. He had high ideals in life and I got the passed-on message about those ambitious expectations.
Perfection was a value and I was more like an Eton Mess than perfect.
You can make your own Eton Mess (steps on how to make below) to help you remind you that imperfection still creates a form of edible perfection that tastes great.
I didn’t always know what the expectations were but I knew I fell short, so I bagged the perfect model concept early on. The problem was I had nothing to replace with, like progress over perfection. Or fail forward means you’re trying.
But I kept going and so did you…
If you’ve carried perfectionist ideals along your journey, I know where you’re coming from. It’s not easy to shake off the past… with the good, bad and ugly.
And thing that did help me was knowing that no one on earth. There was only one and he’s no longer on earth.
So I decided that good meant keeping high standards and wanting to make achievements in life (and valuing the gifts of imperfection).
Naturally, you want to do your best but the wheels do fall off sometimes in our fallen world.
And when you become obsessive in the process of an outcome, that can be self-destructive and unhealthy.
Perfectionist behaviors can also negatively rub off on other people or into blame situations.
The ego or Imposter mind can be crafty and find coping ways to urgently nourish your soul and body if you let your mind run and ruin your life. Keeping your mind separate from you and your spirit can help your journey.
Re-defining and embracing imperfection is the healthier way to a happy life.
The Gifts of Imperfection at Work
Remind yourself that being imperfect is better. Maybe, that’s getting things done is better than none.
Remind yourself how you made imperfection work for you in the past. That people embraced your imperfect work.
…If you forgot to do something, as we all do, you’re no longer perfect so that helps you to rule out perfection as always. Our ego loves to use “always” and “never” when it’s usually more like “sometimes”, “often”, or “rarely.”
You may not even have missed out on this activity in any impactful way.
One of the best things you can do to let go is to fail at something and see that: 1) you survived, 2) you’re okay, and 3) something good came out of your scenario… maybe it was that you learned 1 and 2 and can repeat. Usually you can find a positive if you want to that helps your outlook and growth.
You can embrace: Good is good enough. When I embraced this mantra, it helped me to hit “send” and “publish.”
You get more done and are happier taking the stress and pressure off yourself. Because what will be, will be. So many factors are out of controls anyways.
Being imperfect sets you up to keep going, doing, and trying…. and eventually finding your purpose or destiny.
Catching and correcting written spelling and grammar mistakes is good but is different than making sure every word is perfect to your mind’s satisfaction. There’s a fine line between valuing your work and what you do, and obsessing over the quality because of what that would represent if you didn’t perform well in some way.
Your performance isn’t as important as those youu impact. That’s the lesson from the movie Burnt where Actor Bradley Cooper’s Type-A and chef character learns that letting go of his perfection for a calmer teamwork environment brings home the additional Michelin star success.
The supporting kitchen staff actors are empowered to do their jobs without feeling like they’re walking on eggshells in front of their boss.
You may have also learned this lesson as an employee working with others and working towards climbing the organization ladder.
And you may have found that those promoted weren’t necessarily the hardest workers who delivered flawless work. Some weren’t even as qualified as the person who should’ve gotten the promotional job, but they were trusted with their work given to them (as part of the gifts of imperfection).
Most importantly, they worked at building relationships and connections while others focused on producing the best work.
Building good rapport is a skill that’s valued and can be even more difficult than keeping the head down doing work. People want to work with those they know, like, and trust. So letting your guard down some and letting them know a personal side of you can help you win points.
It’s not just in what you say or how you say it. There’s an energy that you give off even when you’re sitting in front of your computer that you may not even know you’re giving off.
Everyone has a part they can play no matter what special personalities they display. Your non-judgment of others and focusing on their positives is what will create a good work environment for you…
Not necessarily being the person who does perfect work. Perfection is an illusion. What you do today, will be obsolete tomorrow or forgotten by most, years from now. Who you showed up as, and your progress contributions will be remembered.
So, what if you’re caught up in the perfectionist trap?
If you find yourself falling for perfectionist obsessive ways, being self-critical or beating yourself up, here are some smart steps to take:
Be perfect.
Whaaat? Yes, be perfect. It’s all in your mind. When you force yourself to NOT do something, you unintentionally end up doing that behavior. Because your subconscious brain doesn’t hear NOT.
It picks up that you are focusing energy towards that area. It’s not always helping you, and your eyeballs can even skip over the words “not,” as part of the process if you’re reading words on a page.
So you’re trying not to be perfect, can backfire. (I’ve deliberately highlighted the word “not” in several ways here to catch your attention).
Instead in self-awareness, catch yourself and realize that you don’t want to do that anymore. Because before you probably didn’t see it when you were acting that way, but now you’re aware.
So give yourself grace to take two steps forward and one step backward in growth.
In the beginning, it can be like an internal dance you’re trying to figure out. But you’ll get it because you’re trying to make it better than the old ways that didn’t work the way you hoped.
Your trying can shift over to your growing out of perfection instead of toward your output.
Imperfection takes less effort, and caring less sometimes is the answer if your mind is running the show.
Eventually the gifts of imperfection outweigh perfection with your desires and efforts.
But, there are exceptions and times when you do want to shine and be as perfect as possible. So you don’t want to lose all your perfection traits if that’s what comes naturally to you.
Like when you have a performance or presentation to give and want to wow the critics. Or you have a test or an interview to ace. The difference here is that these aren’t everyday occurrences and they’re solo acts you want to nail.
Back when I had school team presentations, several times I was disappointed when the group didn’t do the part they agreed to. Letting go of the idea that everyone was as dedicated, I learned later to do every piece of their part and mine, as though it were performed and turned in solely by me…
That was my backup plan.
If the team came through on their parts, then I would rely on them. And when they did, I realized that we had better information as I could chime in with additional insight in their areas and mine because the research was done.
I gave my best and that’s all I could do. And that’s the attitude to embrace for progress over perfection.
Stay Authentic
In make or break situations, stay authentic to your deeper, healthy self desires.
Let go of worries.
Striving for high standards is a better way of living.
Be happy with your imperfect message and letting your caring, human side come out.
You can come back and change your thoughts. You don’t have to nail every point flawlessly the first time. We think we never have a chance to do over.
That’s true only if you think it is. If you came across as serious before, you can come back as light-hearted or funny in a pivot around new audiences.
Be comfortable where you are and your confident energy will shine through. Keep showing up the way you want to be perceived.
You get to be who you want to be as human, not perfect (remembering the gifts of imperfection).
If you think these tips could help someone grow, please share with them.
And here’s how you can make your own Eton Mess dessert that could be a good metaphor to embracing your authentic creativity and imperfection inside you.
fruits (raspberries, blueberries, lychee, cantaloupe shown in photo)
Instructions
Shape meringue to liking on a baking sheet. Bake in oven on a low temperature around 250°F/120°C or less until marshmallowy soft but crisp. You'll be able to see when the edges are starting to toast.
Let the meringue cool and break off on your plate in a mess. Add and pile on fruits you would like to use to create a modern art dessert plate.
While having faith doesn’t help your rushed anxiety symptoms from happening, faith curbs anxious thoughts, and your anxious situations.
Many anxiety symptoms come from letting irrational thoughts and incessant worry get the better part of us.
That’s where it starts.
…Like a thief in the night, we don’t see what’s happening unless we are critical observers, looking in our own minds for us to be the solution instead of our own problem.
You can pray to not have those thoughts take a stronghold over you, and replace them with better, positive thoughts that can lead to productivity.
That helps to counteract your hurtful thoughts but doesn’t prevent your moods and emotions.
Believing there’s a better outcome or a bigger picture for why you’re going through your sour grape situations.
Those lemons you receive in life can give you the exact breakthrough you need. That’s what your soul needs to heal and evolve, the purpose of your life.
Hmm… we all thought we were here to achieve and be happy, right?
The better setup is to live authentic, whole, heal, and real. Then you can achieve more and experience happiness from the inside out.
…That can happen when you look through the right lens and go through tough situations, and possibly feelings of temporary stress and anxiety.
Faith Curbs Anxious Thoughts and Brings Joy
“Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” (Proverbs 12)
Without daily faith as an undercurrent of your life, you can feel self-pity or go into a lack or victimized mentality, especially if you have fears, phobias were attacked/threatened, or are a PTSD survivor (which is part of my story).
Then later being Born Again and doing shadow work helped to restore me in a way that nothing else could replace
You weren’t meant to do everything on your own. You were meant to get help from outside you, that makes you stronger, and builds your inside. That’s the healthier cycle.
People who stay frustrated can live in a vicious hamster wheel life cycle, letting their minds run them.
Without your pro-activity, your mind on its own is a lazy machine that is meant to protect you from danger.
If you’re tired, you just don’t want to think super hard after a busy day. If you have a foggy mind, that can happen to anyone anytime, then going to your higher place is what you need the most.
At that moment, you need to find wholeness and be healed, to live authentically.
You have a higher intellect that you can tap into to collaborate with and get better answers.
Here’s a better way on how to access your higher self…
Find a daily spiritual practice that has variety, and is 100% yours.
Have a daily silent practice in peace, prayer, or meditation, but don’t make it routine.
Doing this will remind you in your darkest moments, that you need to go back to your higher place.
Maybe not immediately, but if you are consistent, then you will know what wholeness feels like and when it’s missing.
Having a quiet daily practice is different than religion that’s all about regurgitating and memorizing the right things to say and think. Do what feels good for you. And create your own way.
Piece together what works for you like an organized mosaic tile.
A pattern that makes sense will form. It can be a mess at the beginning where you have a lot of distractions and noise in your life.
But the more you stay intentional on peace and joy and living purpose-filled, the more spiritual savvy you become. Like when you’re sharpening a skill.
Then as soon as you get comfortable with your peaceful self, your season will change on you. That’s how life evolves you.
But only when the inner knowing says so. Not when you think you’re ready for the change.
Live in a cycle of going and faith growing.
If you force memorization or model how others progress, then those ideas are prominent in your mind but not the most necessarily the most helpful to you.
Mimicking can be how you start in the beginning when you’re learning, but after you advance and begin to mature in growing, you have what you need to get going and growing and share in your higher calling.
Then you can come back to being a learner and getting ideas.
Being spiritual is allowing your creative flow to come out of you.
Naturally what you have learned in the past will pop up in your mind out of the blue if that information is meant to help you at the moment.
Because the Universe wants to help you at all times.
When a helpful thought, quote, or verse that you haven’t thought of in a while comes to mind impromptu, you know that it’s “meant to be” for you to recall.
When you read a book, it’s not about quantity or hurrying through. Speed reading doesn’t help you grow.
It can make you feel like you accomplished more, but what if you take in a few sentences of growth, stop and think about what you read, and how that can help you or apply to your life today?
So many times, we live in a dreamy world of thinking of how the author we don’t know lived, lives, or was thinking… or how so-and-so can use this help or would love this book.
When in reality, we could grow in our own minds with the information that we were just allowed to enter. We can stay curious with our growth.
It can start with a question like: what is this?
If it’s not for you now, then feel free to put it away. Even if you were excited about picking up or purchasing a book.
If after a few chapters, you find that your mind drifts, this is a sign you’re having a connection block with what you’re reading.
Because there are some books you could read from cover to cover hanging on every word (or a movie reel you could watch where you’re glued to your set because you don’t want to miss a second).
Whatever the case, if you have a book that isn’t intriguing you at this moment, you may find you could need that book years down the road if you hold onto it.
Keep a book for as long as you want or check out from the library another time (for you minimalists!). No harm, no foul. No guilt.
Surprisingly, your higher intellect knew you would need it, otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought it home in the first place.
There’s internal wisdom inside you that knows what you need more than your rational mind reasons.
That takes the mystery out of wonder, as you’re designed to live with a purpose.
We all want things in this life. That makes us human.
The difference is seeing that your timetable of growth to your next calling, project, or venture is a collaborative effort with your faith journey should you decide to accept the mission.
You help yourself by taking steps forward and leaning into busy activity, and knowing when the timing or season is off or has come to an end.
If that’s the case, take your foot off the gas pedal you thought you should be hitting, and go in another direction to live in an authentic flow where you don’t need to know the exact outcome.
Life takes you where you need to go without your need to suffer.
You’ll eliminate anxiety from feelings of overwhelm and underwhelm in your life that doesn’t need to exist for your survival.
Be encouraged that miracles are happening all the time for you. Being in faith curbs anxious thoughts.
If you live in faith, you get to enjoy the process as you connect the dots.
And on your faith journey, you may have many communion opportunities. This isn’t a communion drink but it is a purple drink that symbolizes the king in religion.
It’s made form lychee tropical fruit that you can be curious about and the many natural good things in our world.
This is a very refreshing day and summertime drink. If you've never had lychee, it tastes like a plum and a grape met. And then when you add blueberry and lemon juice, it's a party!
Course beverage
Cuisine American
Author Brandy @ Healthy Happy Life Secrets
Ingredients
1lychee (from can)
blueberry tea, brewed (or frozen blueberries)
lemon juice
Optional: shredded coconut and honey (for zhughing) or an additional lychee with blueberries on a skewer.
Instructions
Add crushed blueberries to the bottom of the glass.
Blend brewed blueberry tea, lychee juice, and lemon juice. Aternatively, you can use blueberry juice.
Refrigerate to cold.
Add blueberries and lychee to drinking glass to decorate, or a honey rim of shredded coconut.
Vata body mind is a way to define a body and mind type. As a Vata, I know most of us are naturally thin and have worry tendencies.
Are you a Vata?
If so, this article post is all about you. And if you don’t know what a Vata is, you can discover more below.
You have several identities in this world. I’ll share a few of mine…
Some are fun. You know those personality tests you can take (to learn about yourself and your friends).
Well… in the self-taking Enneagram test, I’m most closely a 7. We’re the happy enthusiasts. …Hoo-ray!
Maybe that’s why I created this place for others to glean off of my happy aura 😊.
By the way, all the Enneagram types 1-9 are great (you’re still a complex individual and have potential traces of all the types). If you’re not familiar, Enneagrams are based on your general life motivations.
Any one enneagram type is not better than another, but I like to cheer mine on (and be happy for the happy type). As an Enneagram 7, we’re known to be the optimistic and positive people in this world.
This makes sense because I naturally gravitate without hesitation towards life’s pleasures enjoying beauty, fashion and gourmet foods.
…Which makes people that know me wonder, how I can be so deeply spiritual? I think of this combination as my superpower… being in this world, but not entirely of this world.
On the outside, like all of us, I’m just a person having a daily spiritual journey.
I found better answers inside from life’s challenges and life’s non-answers. In other words, in the silence.
I was actually born 90% Vata. “A who?”, you may ask if this is new to you.
That’s right, I identify as the Vata body-mind type in Ayurveda.
There are 3 types: Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. We all possess traces in varying degrees of each of these types and any of us can get off balance (irritated, anxious, lethargic, etc.) from these types.
Today I’m just focusing on the Vata type…
As a Vata, most of us are naturally thin or slender. A Vata can eat and eat and eat, and gain little weight.
There are people you hate or envy because of this (not really… but you get my drift). On the flipside, Vatas have thin bones and usually a more sensitive body.
We can take a warm bath and still feel cold especially in the winter.
Each body type has special features.
Another for Vata is, we epitomize the saying, “cold hands, warm heart.”
Our skin and hair stay on the naturally dry side. We use deep moisturizers and conditioners. And adult eczema can arise that’s manageable.
Outside of appearances, the Vata body-mind type naturally holds onto worry and anxiety. An area that I did not care to hold onto so I learned to transform.
In pure Vata fashion, we naturally bounce from task to task (sometimes too much), as multi-taskers are our middle names. We also prefer variety as the spice of life.
We have or like more than one type of any product or food type.
Based on all these descriptions above, I’m 100% Vata.
You learn in life though, you adapt to situations and can balance or counterbalance any natural body type, especially with all the resources and great products we have in the world at our fingertips.
So why am I sharing all of this?…
Because I believe you have a choice to make changes in your life for the better.
I wanted to get up 10 times while writing this, but I forced myself to stay put. I also wanted to wonder what you would think reading this. I chose to not worry about anything that’s not helpful, and just be productive despite natural tendencies because I learned the better way.
But I still care about feelings and how I come across with thin skin, that I learned to toughen up over the years and through life’s situations.
There’s a part of me that still wants to be the reserved person who doesn’t want to share who she is, but I put myself out there anyway as I know I can help others.
I challenge myself to be fearless. Because I know that there’s no personal growth without bringing light to weaknesses, and places I’d rather suppress.
Then I see dynamic people in this world and I couldn’t even begin to do the things they do in their physical abilities and skills.
And I naturally want to believe they are happy.
But they’re not, inside. And despite all they have.
They weren’t wired that way. But I was.
They live on what they know and their comforts. That’s not better or worse, it just is.
They have a choice to change parts of their lives if they choose.
As we all have choices relative to our lives and opportunities.
As long as we support one another as humans, and don’t judge one another, we can learn from each other and grow.
And that can be the greater world we are becoming in collaboration efforts.
If you’re a Vata (or think you’re one from my description above), high five and a big hug to you. I get you.
We naturally have anxious tendencies that can show up in the form of overwhelming feelings, heart palpitations, or nervous butterflies in the stomach.
You don’t have to live that way, as a regular way of being based on your thoughts and situations you can’t control.
I know this from my own learned past experiences.
Without anxiety awareness, you’re putting on a band-aid to calm the symptoms.
Breathing deeply and drinking plenty of water are super important habits to help soothe anxiety.
If you think you have anxiety in your life, confirm with this quiz, and get quick restoring tips and ongoing healthy and happy life balancing tip advice.
You too can change what’s not fully working. (Let it be easy… why live another day not being or feeling like your whole self?).
We live in an evolving world that changes whether we want it to or not.
…And there are lots going on.
But, I believe each of us can get ahead of anxiety and learn to manage and prevent anxiety in a healthy way.
Each situation is a teacher and a chance to find a remedy.
The statistics show our depressed society is growing.
Most women in America and maybe the world, don’t currently do or take the time to learn how to live healthy and happy in life’s busyness, despite all the resources available.
And, that’s where I hope I can shed light with my positivity, encouraging vibes, and sharing self-transformation lessons to help in this cause.
I encourage (and challenge you) to be your change for your life’s happiness.
You can learn all about the Vata, Pitta, and Kapha in this in-depth balancing mind-body article which btw, as an example I’m dominant in Pitta mind (in addition to a Vata mind) to add fuel to the fire.
And very likely, you have more than one dominant mind type. That’s what makes each of us complex, unique, and alike in this life. It’s as simple and complicated as that. 😊
“Don’t worry be happy” is not just a song made famous by Bobby McFerrin. Your thoughts can try to make you worry and overthink. You have a better choice that helps you calm worry.
Worry less is something you can transform even if you’re born a worry wart (aka Vata mind). I know because I did. And if I can do it, you can too!
8 ways to get calm (and don’t worry be happy):
1. Don’t focus on what could happen, focus on what is.
When awake, your mind doesn’t naturally silence. When your mind gets ahead of itself or starts to attach a fantastical made up story line to your thoughts, that’s when you have a chance to take a pause, get present or distracted and busy.
How does that old saying go?… “the past has already happened, the future hasn’t occurred, and all we have is now.”
If only we could stay focused on the present moment (not the past or future).
If you’re multi-tasking, you can miss it and let worry settle in. Mindfulness brings your awareness back (and you’re doing just fine if you let go of the past and future uncertainty).
2. Lower your standards to worry less.
We all have an idea as to what life should be and how we should be. Our expectations create a set of worries and disappointments when we face a setback.
There is not a perfect human on this planet. Accept that progress is made through your getting things done.
