I once adopted a rescue chihuahua mix dog where I learned from him how to cure social anxiety. He was the cutest and sweetest dog ever. In my meeting with him, I knew he was the perfect dog for me then.
He acted calm (not jumpy like the Jack Russell terrier type). Walking around, he also acted curious, interested and engaged.
So excited, I did the paperwork the next day and took him home. I’d never had a dog before, but I was convinced he was a pet owner’s dream. If you have a dog, I’m sure you understand as you probably think the same things with your dogs!
You know how much joy they can add to your life. Dogs have temperaments, but they don’t project ego or judgment and all those complex human feelings that can get our human heads in a tail spin!
He appeared healthy. As days went by after bringing him home and warming up to me, I started to see a new side to him.
I soon realized (and observed) he had a lack of socialization when I’d take him on walks. Around my community, he would react anxiously to people who got too close to him, and especially little toddlers who really scared him with their erratic behavior. And once in a while, other dogs that gave him a sign of bad energy.
Like most dogs in fear, his tail would drop straight down and stop wagging around passerby strangers who wanted to pet him.
It was clear to me he may have had bad past experiences, and perhaps was even either physically or mentally abused in his past life. He was several years old and his exact birth certificate age was unknown as he didn’t have a caretaker who passed on that information to me, his future adopter. These were all first few signs I got that he had a traumatic past.
He couldn’t communicate his memories as no dog is equipped to speak. Humans can have that same inability to communicate what they don’t know. They don’t know all the psychological damage that situations actually caused. But, humans have an amazing ability to learn, grow, transform the mind, body, soul, and tap into their spirit.
I tried to expose him and bring him out of his shell in a controlled environment by taking him out on more walks and dog parks. But I realized that those short-lived interactions and situations didn’t change his fearful behaviors.
I was determined to find a socialization camp environment for him that I knew had to be out there. I had inspiration from the “Dog Whisperer” show that came on the air around that time and I would watch every free moment I had. He didn’t care much for the show 😉.
Cesar Milan was the dog whisperer and he was always showing the dog that needed “therapy” how he was the temporary master with rules, boundaries, and limitations to follow. Sound familiar? Probably what we as humans need for discipline.
Then Cesar would take the dog patient (humor me) to his healthy pack of dogs back home, where the behavior would be corrected by his dog peers demonstrating the right behaviors. The healthy dogs were the teachers.. how brilliant!
Not too long after bringing all these realizations into my conscious dog owner world, I found the right outdoor boarding camp environment for him.
The first time he stayed there, he seemed to really enjoy his time running to me as a sign of joy. This happened several times. He always had a smile on his face, or I internalized and thought he did. After staying there several times, the workers there told me he had made friends. Yay! Some were regulars so I tried to take him there more often.
Over several visits and stays, he had become a transformed dog. He broke out of his anxiety and shyness. And the “mix” characteristics came out. He loved chasing squirrels and anything that ran. Being in the community and playing is what made his day happy and fulfilled.
Those are the reasons why humans are social beings, so we can be in a community. We need others to help us make life worth living.
But then why do we have tendencies for social anxiety or awkward shyness?
Learning How to Cure Social Anxiety in Humans
Humans sometimes act the same way in social anxiety nervousness as dogs. We can try to avoid situations, and if forced, spend time around people who do most of the talking. And we can try to learn how to cure social anxiety.
Socially anxious people clam up because they’re afraid to say the wrong things. They may not have grown up socially or in social environments. They could’ve had a stutter or were homeschooled. They are conscious of others and are afraid of being judged.
This turns into not saying anything (the equivalent of the tail between the legs for dogs).
Social anxiety can make you freeze up unprepared or prepared. The less you’re exposed to interacting with people, the more jarring the situation can be.
You have to make a habit of putting yourself out there, being social or around strangers to best get over your anxiety.
In my dog’s social anxiety case, he would physically back away from anxiety-provoking situations. Humans are more subtle in self-awareness and applying social norms.
Like dogs, we need to get ourselves in healthy pack environments that help build our trust and confidence. We know it’s possible!
You’re Unstoppable If You Let Go of Your Social Anxiety
You are not your past. You can learn how to cure social anxiety and change what you didn’t get from your past. It’s up to you, to live now and present for your own happiness. You don’t have to be who you once were. You’re better aligned, focusing on the identity you are becoming. You are a new social creature in your communities.
You are not the person you were 10 years ago. This shocked me because I would’ve never guessed I would’ve turned out the way I did until it happened. I started out naive, unsocial, turned social, and then combined both to become whole. (That’s how I would describe my dog’s journey too) 😉
It can be complicated and beautiful at the same time. You neither define yourself as an introvert or an extrovert.
Whichever you are or become, in your uniqueness, you can grow into this powerfully amazing and evolved creature. You have depth in character and have grown your mind and how you think (don’t even get me started on transformation in the mind… that’s for another day). You are worlds apart from who you were and you even look different as part of the natural aging process.
It shows on your changing interests and personality. You are more mature, grounded, and you define a successful life differently than you would’ve 10 years ago. You are smarter if not wiser. You have new hidden talents that if you choose, you can share with the world.
You can get socially plugged in. There are so many creative ways to get over and learn how to cure social anxiety, insecurity, and judgment fears. You can find your people…
The people you spend time with are a more diverse pool of people that you’ve met along your path. Not everyone will be a good fit (and most won’t be) but when they are, you’ll know.
Some old friends still remain, but there’s a new group that you identify with for this season or where you’re moving in the same direction.
You feel you’re sympatico with these people now. They make you feel comfortable and safe. And they may have similar lifestyles especially if they live in proximity, or you have the same interest in helping others and each other out.
When you’re 20 or 30, you have many more years in front of you to self-discover than you have behind you. You don’t really look back just yet, and you don’t know what future buckets of categories there are. You’re just getting started, even though you may feel you’ve grown so much or lived a lifetime already. You know what I mean!
You will grow more.
Now, you are busy and hopefully are stopping to enjoy the coffee (and your life journey). You will not get your time back.
Make it a goal to find your core social circle if you haven’t. Think of joining interest and professional groups. Doing this now while you’re active is valuable so you can stay social and be a part of each other’s lives and growth, while everything around is changing daily. They support you and you’ll be able to laugh together at how you used to do things.
And as you enter middle age or later life one day, your desires will continue to shift. In your 40’s you’re ready for your next action to keep going and growing.
You have experiences that can be applied in so many ways and in so many social circles, giving and not just getting. You may not be there yet.
Wherever you are… ask yourself, “what now?” In the U.S. especially, as part of the culture, we have the freedom to decide what we do next.
Why not take your best step forward?